Tuesday, October 26, 2010

connais pas

It's been a long time since I've known (connaitre as opposed to savoir*) God's presence in my life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I've put up a wall or broken through the illusion. The symptoms are too similar.

I suppose this is the point where most people just go with whichever they want, but I'm interested in what is true. Can I ask? Why do you believe?

Of course there's nobody to respond. It's just something I always wonder when I look at people who seem so sure. I used to be sure, but when I ask my former self the question, there doesn't seem to be a good answer.

*connaitre being more of an experiential knowing, like that of knowing a person personally rather than knowing Shakespeare from one's studies. I find that I know of God and all the things in my life that could be manifestations of his presence. I even thank Him for these things when I remember. But it has been increasingly difficult to know Him as a presence in my life.