Thursday, December 10, 2009

I miss music.

I guess I still find time to play around now and then, but it's always only with pressure in the back of my mind that I will have to stop soon and get back to work. I still remember when I would just play violin for 5 hours straight without any pressure to stop other than maybe needing to eat. I could lose myself within the rhythms and melodies. Or what about the time to be able to compose. What happened to that sort of time? That kind of thought and creativity is not something that can just be rapidly forced out on some sort of time constraint.

Perhaps I'd say the same about my studio design work. Five days before the final review, my project was turned on its head and I started over. I mean, really started over on this project that should have taken a month to prepare. So maybe I was able to finish the work (with plenty of pain and less sleep than I've ever experienced before), and maybe I had a good review, but is this really the way design is supposed to happen? Architecture culture seems to say so, but at least to me, there's really something to be wanted. When I look at society today, rushing around, always feeling busy, always tired; sometimes I wonder what we've done to ourselves. Somehow I don't think this is what being human was meant to be like.

I look at my professors, pulling all-nighters right along with the students, coming into school drained, frantic, stressed, still around studio at 3 am. In Inge's words "At least we're never bored." It's true. After living this sort of life for a while it seems preposterous for anyone to say that they're bored. How is it possible for one to not have anything to do? But what a painful way to avoid boredom.

I've watched as two of my friends have officially entered into the music world, record labels and all. They record, they sing, they play, they perform, they enjoy every moment of it and it is their life. Somedays I really wish that was me. I guarantee you I wouldn't be bored.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I've been stressed about not having enough time to finish an assignment before... but I've never been stressed out from feelings that there's no possible way I could actually finish an assignment no matter how much time I had... What's expected from me for this project is borderline impossible... with only the assumption that it is possible...

5 days left and no project yet. What happens if what i'm trying to do is actually impossible?