A question for not-Christians

I don't believe that people can live, work, and strive without believing their lives are meaningful. What gives life meaning in the absence of a designer who has created life with purpose?

It's a big day!

I can't really write a post like the one below without also saying that I am so excited for today. Congratulations to Melissa and Jerry on their wedding day! I still remember when they started dating. It remains memorable to me as an example of a couple who really take their relationship, God's part in that relationship, and each other seriously.

The two of them are so incredibly different, but their differences truly seem to come together in a beautiful way as a couple and I'm expecting many happily married memories to come.

The missing story

A summer ago, I wrote that I could never go back and work in China and there would be a story to come to explain. Here it is, a bit late, but it relates to my current situation this summer as well.

Waiting in line for the UK pavilion, I was full of anticipation. Even from the outside, it was already better than all the other pavilions at the expo; but it was also humid on the verge of raining, hot on the verge of suffocating, and the line was an estimated four hours long.

A little while before getting into that line, it had actually been raining. And at least for a brief while, it had been raining on me. It started at my scalp. I got this itch that literally made me want to tear my hair out. I was doing the best to not flail and grab at my scalp like a mad woman. I stuck to the usual running my hand through my hair every now and then for slight relief, but after half an hour, I couldn't take it. I ran and stuck my head in a sink and scrubbed away. To my delight, my scalp responded with a sigh of relief.

So back in line at the UK pavilion, my entire body started to itch. I ignored it for a bit figuring it was the even spread of 8 or so mosquito bites I had received when someone had left our hostel room door open. But ever so gradually, the bites began to grow in a strange web like fashion and soon enough I was covered in hives. I didn't actually know what hives looked like, never having had them before. The friend I was with kept telling me I should go to the clinic, and I could probably get someone to let me back into line. We were about two hours into the line, and I was not so willing to leave if that meant those had been two hours wasted. Of course, I was not allowed to leave and come back, so I stuck it out in that line for another two hours. I wrote a wonderful review of the UK pavilion as a guest blogger for SHIFTboston, but the actual experience of being inside the pavilion was a torturous mix of 'I want to stay and really take this amazing space in!' and 'I need to leave immediately so I can go somewhere and tear all my skin off'. I still feel a little bad about rushing my expo companion off and away.

So long story short, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to acid rain, and China, I'm sure, is full of it. Terrible experience. Never want to do that again.

Unfortunately, ever since then, it seems my skin has been more sensitive than it was before and it gets a lot worse in the summer. Not really sure what it is. Humidity? Air pollution? UV? Heat? It was difficult to sleep last night. Help.

Ah, here I am

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2011/mar/10/world-top-100-universities-reputation-rankings-reputation-times-higher-education

Every once in a while I am newly surprised to find myself at what is considered the best university in the world. Everything is so normal, so everyday. There's still disappointment with the means of education, the famous names end up being people not unlike myself, and there are still the fears and struggles when it comes to employment. This place which many dream of is not always some sort of heaven as it is imagined. At the same time, this realization prompts me to a little perspective. In times of frustration and disappointment, it is still a privilege to be here, and an opportunity to take hold of that which is offered.

The nature of comfort

Went to my second bible study with my church since moving to the area a year and a half ago. I guess some things get off to a slow start. I could say it was from all the church searching/switching and also my attendance of the Intervarsity bible study on campus, but really it's priorities. Doubt is a strange circle. It's hard to prioritize something I do not trust. That then takes me away from the community that might enlighten me to the answers of my doubts. Of course my doubt also reminds me that I'm not exactly placing myself in places where I could be enlightened to other varying beliefs.

We studied the first chapter of II Corinthians, a passage that reflects upon the suffering, comfort, and integrity of God in Christ. It seems to me that the nature of God's comfort in suffering comes from a knowledge of His character. Paul's comfort came from a knowledge of God's power (over death and over all). Others in our group were comforted by God's character of being ever present or faithful (a presence in times when one might otherwise feel alone). Paul asked the Corinthians to find security in God's integrity (when others might seem fickle).

For myself, I always wonder if the comfort I have felt in times of need comes from a head knowledge of God's character as expressed in the bible, or if there is the actual presence of God reaching down and comforting me. It would be more convincing if in a time of need, I did not need to know the character of God in my mind and yet I still could feel His comfort. Instead it seems to take reminders from His Word or reminders from other believers to get me there.

I suppose I also know when this specific doubt began. You might think all Jehovah's Witnesses spreading their news on the streets should just be ignored; but after being trained in Christian evangelism, I really wondered what the Jehovah's Witness had to say, what they thought was so compelling about their own belief. So after being approached one incredibly rainy day, I stopped to talk, in the rain, getting soaked. That young man had plenty of his own stories to tell of Jehovah's Witnesses experiencing god's love, god's peace, god's joy, comfort in times of need. The stories were no different from those within Christianity... and no less enthusiastically related.

I guess one thing that struck me tonight is that Paul was a real person. Okay, that was obvious, but Saul was also a real person. Even if I sometimes doubt the validity of the bible, the people of the bible existed in history and there really was a Saul character who went around killing Christ followers, and somehow, in a miraculous moment, he became one and went around planting churches, being persecuted and being in danger of being killed. Who would do that unless the miracle actually happened and it really showed the existence of Yahweh God? I always -- perhaps stupidly -- ask God to reveal Himself to me -- if he really is there -- in a miracle that I cannot deny. Perhaps Saul's story (and others like it) is the closest i will ever get to knowing a miracle of God. Christians often cite the disciples willingness to die for Christ after his death and resurrection as evidence of a truth, since only truth would be worth dying for. That never caught with me; they were already for Christ to begin with and would have been fickle for changing their minds, but if Paul is a real character, then he really was reacting to truth.

Of course my doubt then reminds me of the miracles that people of other faiths also claim of their deities. I become more and more convinced that whatever one wants to believe, one can find the arguments and examples... I'm not sure I even know what I want to believe. I suppose that's why I continue to live within the field of doubt.

First Night, Boston

Funny how the crappy quality of my cell phone camera gives everything a dreamy (crappy) quality. I'm glad I made my way back to Boston for New Years. Nothing goes on at home in Pennsylvania for the New Year other than a dark house and sleep, so it was good to be out.

First Night, for those who don't know, is Boston's friendly way of bringing in the New Year, with performances and activities all through New Years Eve. The $15 cost of the button to get into all the events was well worth it even just for the American Repertory Theatre performance of the Blue Rose, my afternoon venture. One of the options was Boston Ballet's Nutcracker! (which... I did not see because I did not want to wake up to go get the tickets in the morning.)

Waiting for ART ticket office to open:

One of the many ice sculptures. They didn't all survive so well in the 40 degree weather:

Bridge to the left, water to the right. Wintry night walk near the MFA. Walked all the way to the harbor:

Pond in the Common was frozen over:

5.4.3.2.1.. .. ... ... ... (we counted too early):

Perfect view, and we didn't even have to get there early! The reflection in the water was certainly a nice touch. These are views from a surprisingly uncrowded Christopher Columbus Park.

Caring for your introvert

http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

This made me smile and laugh. Other than the comically exaggerated statements about introverts being more intelligent and refined, I wholeheartedly agree.

I'm still trying to learn how to deal with introversion in a society which values extroversion and mistakes introversion for shyness.

I've written my own thoughts on it before, but I guess the topic will never grow old.

is forgetting a valid solution when there is lack of resolution?

Sometimes when I see throngs of cars on the road, I think about the hundreds (thousands?) of people they contain. Then I think of each of their lives being as complex and complicated as my own, each person wrapped up in their own cosmos unaware of all the others except as other cars on the drive.

It makes them feel big, then small; and then the statement that the God of the universe knows everything everyone's going through seems even more impossible.

Nothing is impossible with God, except contradiction, it's an impossible something.

Another non-update

I've been reading Ulysses. It's a book I've wanted to read for a while, and I've been enjoying it greatly. Somehow, i was unacquainted with the typical response to the book. It seems everyone that finds out I'm reading it wishes me luck. This surprised me at first considering how enjoyable it is. Every time someone wishes me luck, I feel like I'm somehow reading it incorrectly. The writing is dense, but at least for me, it isn't headache dense. It's full of interest. I suppose I haven't been reading for full comprehension, but since when do you fully understand a piece of music on your first play/listen through?

I guess I should wait till I get at least halfway through to make further comment since the sentences are supposed to start looking more and more baffling.

---

It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that Christmas is two days away.

What would you say is the difference between the practice of Christians coming together around the idea of the church 'body' as a body of diverse parts (people) specifically gifted by God to work together as a unity and being at its best when working together AND secular society which also values things like group work and bringing people of diverse fields or backgrounds together saying that it produces better understandings and results?

When someone in the church gains insight or help from the gifts of someone else in the church it is attributed to God's gifting of the body. If the same thing happened outside the church it could be attributed to the value of diversity.

What are spiritual gifts in this context, when things often considered spiritual gifts (by the holy spirit) within the church also seem to be present and helpful outside of it? Does the typical concept of spiritual gifting (that of 'discover your spiritual gift' questionnaires) need to be narrowed?

connais pas

It's been a long time since I've known (connaitre as opposed to savoir*) God's presence in my life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I've put up a wall or broken through the illusion. The symptoms are too similar.

I suppose this is the point where most people just go with whichever they want, but I'm interested in what is true. Can I ask? Why do you believe?

Of course there's nobody to respond. It's just something I always wonder when I look at people who seem so sure. I used to be sure, but when I ask my former self the question, there doesn't seem to be a good answer.

*connaitre being more of an experiential knowing, like that of knowing a person personally rather than knowing Shakespeare from one's studies. I find that I know of God and all the things in my life that could be manifestations of his presence. I even thank Him for these things when I remember. But it has been increasingly difficult to know Him as a presence in my life.

[19]

As promised, a blog I wrote on the expo!

http://shiftboston.blogspot.com/2010/09/192-countries-represented-at-shanghai.html

Yilan [18]

This summer, my travels around Taiwan were pretty limited. Normally I would visit relatives all over, but this time I never made it down south.

Yilan, although only half an hour outside of Taipei, was probably one of my larger trips. A couple of my coworkers took me there to look at some architect by a well known Taiwanese architect, whose name I have written down but cannot read...

This first building is a gallery building that is still under construction. The concept was to give the essence of driftwood floating in and under the surface of the water. The park behind was designed by the same firm as well:

slides:

The second building was some sort of small commemorative museum. It wasn't open, but look at that 'folded' concrete, something that maybe too many architects get excited about. I like it too. The roof of the room the left folds down and becomes a bench which doubles as a shade for the windows below:

This was the architect taking the typology of local buildings and stacking them on top of each other to form a community center sort of space:

The second floor directly connected to a bridge going off away from the building. The material of the path didn't change so you never got a sense that you were leaving the building until you were already further away. There were a lot of little nooks to sit and look out over the landscape:

The bridge used to be only for cars, but the architects added a pedestrian walkway off to the side and slightly under the existing bridge. It used the structure of the existing bridge.

For being by a roadway, the pedestrian bridge was peaceful. Probably because it was lower in level. So much nicer than sidewalks on bridges right next to the cars that I am used to.:

Rowing machines looking over the river:

Realizing that quirked out form is hard to read. i don't get it.

Last was a trip to another much larger museum. The concept was of a rock sitting in the water. The water around is manmade, but the ocean was right across the street:

White Man Toothpaste, aka, The Last Days [17]

Back in Taipei, it was hard to believe the summer was already coming to an end. It was a good couple weeks. For one, after coming back from Shanghai it felt blissfully cool in Taipei. At that point, I knew America was gonna feel cold.

This was a picture from a cousin's birthday at Ponderosa, no comment on the restaurant choice; he wanted steak. Ponderosa in Taipei is a fancy nice restaurant, and as with all fancy nice western food in Taiwan, it was disappointing. I'm wondering, do you get good Western food when you travel in tour groups? I'm guessing that's what most of the dining outside of Taiwan has been for my aunt's family. If you can't tell, our fingers are the candles for the imaginary cake. Nice:

I took one last trip back to Baisun to visit my grandparents. As usual, life on the mountain was dominated by talking about food. By the first day, My grandmother had already planned out the menu for the entire time I would be there. Stuff was constantly being added to the menu. Life seems so simple in the country. Life is about family, friends, a nice breeze, a bit of rain, health and good food. With all the complexities of city life, higher education, and contemporary life in general, it's often hard for me to appreciate their simple life. Although they keep up with the news through the television, it was still hard for me to explain things to them that seemed basic to the way i live. I'm sure their lives have been busier in the past, but the slow pace of taking an hour to buy a bus ticket was frustrating and refreshing. It was inefficient by the way I live, (not that i had anywhere to go), but for my grandparents, buying a ticket was definitely less about efficiency and more about their friendship with the ticket office owners. Same goes for grocery shopping etc...

I was introduced to a new fruit/nut... not sure what. I love that produce shopping in Taiwan lets you taste test. In Taipei, I saw store owners chopping cabbages in half for customers to inspect the insides before buying.:

At the indoor supermarket near my grandparents' I saw white man toothpaste for the first time. It was next to the black man's toothpaste. What's the deal?

Temple nestled between other buildings. I used to be surprised when walking along a street looking into storefronts and all of the sudden finding myself looking into a temple at a giant Buddha rather than another storefront. I guess this is what it looks like from across the street:

The last Saturday was phenomenal. A trip to Yilan, which will be my next post, and then dinner at a delicious Japanese restaurant and dessert at the Melange, a supposedly very well known dessert and drinks place. I wasn't too impressed by the overcooked waffles, but they say the dryness helps them to soak in the flavors of the toppings... I guess that's what you would call a Taiwanese take on Western food. Otherwise, it was good company and a good time.:

This is a photo during the daytime of a building in the same area (between Zhongshan and Minquan MRT stations. I liked walking around this area. There were a lot of boutiques and artist studio stores. Bamboo is a common material, but it still looks exotic to me.:

Speaking of bamboo, a bamboo grove in Daan Forest Park. I liked the way the bamboo creaked in the wind. Daan Park is Taipei's sad equivalent to Central Park, with a fabulous playground. If I was still small enough, that playground could have been a mini paradise:

Random nature shot around the corner from my Aunt's condo:

And finally, a few shots from the firm where I worked. I know you've been wondering if it's all been a lie, but it's true. I was in fact interning and not just travelling around Taipei.

Birthday:

The serious half of the office:

Send-off lunch. They acquiesced to my requests not to eat spaghetti again. I think this was a Japanese restaurant instead.:

It was always strange to me how the heart of the building where the firm is located connected directly to the outside. In the end, does that save energy or waste a/c? In my education, people get so excited about 'fuzzy spaces' between interior and exterior, but after being in Taiwan, it's really just a norm:

At the very end, gift shopping. Got a few small things at one of these stores. These shops don't sell any of their own products. Instead, they rent out cubes to other people to sell whatever they want. Makes for a pretty interesting array of stuff: