dye.a.log

A question for not-Christians

2011-08-14T17:07:00.000-07:00

I don't believe that people can live, work, and strive without believing their lives are meaningful. What gives life meaning in the absence of a designer who has created life with purpose?

It's a big day!

2011-06-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

I can't really write a post like the one below without also saying that I am so excited for today. Congratulations to Melissa and Jerry on their wedding day! I still remember when they started dating. It remains memorable to me as an example of a couple who really take their relationship, God's part in that relationship, and each other seriously.

The two of them are so incredibly different, but their differences truly seem to come together in a beautiful way as a couple and I'm expecting many happily married memories to come.

The missing story

2011-06-25T07:23:00.000-07:00

A summer ago, I wrote that I could never go back and work in China and there would be a story to come to explain. Here it is, a bit late, but it relates to my current situation this summer as well.

Waiting in line for the UK pavilion, I was full of anticipation. Even from the outside, it was already better than all the other pavilions at the expo; but it was also humid on the verge of raining, hot on the verge of suffocating, and the line was an estimated four hours long.

A little while before getting into that line, it had actually been raining. And at least for a brief while, it had been raining on me. It started at my scalp. I got this itch that literally made me want to tear my hair out. I was doing the best to not flail and grab at my scalp like a mad woman. I stuck to the usual running my hand through my hair every now and then for slight relief, but after half an hour, I couldn't take it. I ran and stuck my head in a sink and scrubbed away. To my delight, my scalp responded with a sigh of relief.

So back in line at the UK pavilion, my entire body started to itch. I ignored it for a bit figuring it was the even spread of 8 or so mosquito bites I had received when someone had left our hostel room door open. But ever so gradually, the bites began to grow in a strange web like fashion and soon enough I was covered in hives. I didn't actually know what hives looked like, never having had them before. The friend I was with kept telling me I should go to the clinic, and I could probably get someone to let me back into line. We were about two hours into the line, and I was not so willing to leave if that meant those had been two hours wasted. Of course, I was not allowed to leave and come back, so I stuck it out in that line for another two hours. I wrote a wonderful review of the UK pavilion as a guest blogger for SHIFTboston, but the actual experience of being inside the pavilion was a torturous mix of 'I want to stay and really take this amazing space in!' and 'I need to leave immediately so I can go somewhere and tear all my skin off'. I still feel a little bad about rushing my expo companion off and away.

So long story short, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to acid rain, and China, I'm sure, is full of it. Terrible experience. Never want to do that again.

Unfortunately, ever since then, it seems my skin has been more sensitive than it was before and it gets a lot worse in the summer. Not really sure what it is. Humidity? Air pollution? UV? Heat? It was difficult to sleep last night. Help.

Ah, here I am

2011-03-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2011/mar/10/world-top-100-universities-reputation-rankings-reputation-times-higher-education

Every once in a while I am newly surprised to find myself at what is considered the best university in the world. Everything is so normal, so everyday. There's still disappointment with the means of education, the famous names end up being people not unlike myself, and there are still the fears and struggles when it comes to employment. This place which many dream of is not always some sort of heaven as it is imagined. At the same time, this realization prompts me to a little perspective. In times of frustration and disappointment, it is still a privilege to be here, and an opportunity to take hold of that which is offered.

The nature of comfort

2011-01-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

Went to my second bible study with my church since moving to the area a year and a half ago. I guess some things get off to a slow start. I could say it was from all the church searching/switching and also my attendance of the Intervarsity bible study on campus, but really it's priorities. Doubt is a strange circle. It's hard to prioritize something I do not trust. That then takes me away from the community that might enlighten me to the answers of my doubts. Of course my doubt also reminds me that I'm not exactly placing myself in places where I could be enlightened to other varying beliefs.

We studied the first chapter of II Corinthians, a passage that reflects upon the suffering, comfort, and integrity of God in Christ. It seems to me that the nature of God's comfort in suffering comes from a knowledge of His character. Paul's comfort came from a knowledge of God's power (over death and over all). Others in our group were comforted by God's character of being ever present or faithful (a presence in times when one might otherwise feel alone). Paul asked the Corinthians to find security in God's integrity (when others might seem fickle).

For myself, I always wonder if the comfort I have felt in times of need comes from a head knowledge of God's character as expressed in the bible, or if there is the actual presence of God reaching down and comforting me. It would be more convincing if in a time of need, I did not need to know the character of God in my mind and yet I still could feel His comfort. Instead it seems to take reminders from His Word or reminders from other believers to get me there.

I suppose I also know when this specific doubt began. You might think all Jehovah's Witnesses spreading their news on the streets should just be ignored; but after being trained in Christian evangelism, I really wondered what the Jehovah's Witness had to say, what they thought was so compelling about their own belief. So after being approached one incredibly rainy day, I stopped to talk, in the rain, getting soaked. That young man had plenty of his own stories to tell of Jehovah's Witnesses experiencing god's love, god's peace, god's joy, comfort in times of need. The stories were no different from those within Christianity... and no less enthusiastically related.

I guess one thing that struck me tonight is that Paul was a real person. Okay, that was obvious, but Saul was also a real person. Even if I sometimes doubt the validity of the bible, the people of the bible existed in history and there really was a Saul character who went around killing Christ followers, and somehow, in a miraculous moment, he became one and went around planting churches, being persecuted and being in danger of being killed. Who would do that unless the miracle actually happened and it really showed the existence of Yahweh God? I always -- perhaps stupidly -- ask God to reveal Himself to me -- if he really is there -- in a miracle that I cannot deny. Perhaps Saul's story (and others like it) is the closest i will ever get to knowing a miracle of God. Christians often cite the disciples willingness to die for Christ after his death and resurrection as evidence of a truth, since only truth would be worth dying for. That never caught with me; they were already for Christ to begin with and would have been fickle for changing their minds, but if Paul is a real character, then he really was reacting to truth.

Of course my doubt then reminds me of the miracles that people of other faiths also claim of their deities. I become more and more convinced that whatever one wants to believe, one can find the arguments and examples... I'm not sure I even know what I want to believe. I suppose that's why I continue to live within the field of doubt.

First Night, Boston

2011-01-02T14:07:00.002-08:00

Funny how the crappy quality of my cell phone camera gives everything a dreamy (crappy) quality. I'm glad I made my way back to Boston for New Years. Nothing goes on at home in Pennsylvania for the New Year other than a dark house and sleep, so it was good to be out.

First Night, for those who don't know, is Boston's friendly way of bringing in the New Year, with performances and activities all through New Years Eve. The $15 cost of the button to get into all the events was well worth it even just for the American Repertory Theatre performance of the Blue Rose, my afternoon venture. One of the options was Boston Ballet's Nutcracker! (which... I did not see because I did not want to wake up to go get the tickets in the morning.)

Waiting for ART ticket office to open:

One of the many ice sculptures. They didn't all survive so well in the 40 degree weather:

Bridge to the left, water to the right. Wintry night walk near the MFA. Walked all the way to the harbor:

Pond in the Common was frozen over:

5.4.3.2.1.. .. ... ... ... (we counted too early):

Perfect view, and we didn't even have to get there early! The reflection in the water was certainly a nice touch. These are views from a surprisingly uncrowded Christopher Columbus Park.

Caring for your introvert

2010-12-28T20:14:00.000-08:00

http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

This made me smile and laugh. Other than the comically exaggerated statements about introverts being more intelligent and refined, I wholeheartedly agree.

I'm still trying to learn how to deal with introversion in a society which values extroversion and mistakes introversion for shyness.

I've written my own thoughts on it before, but I guess the topic will never grow old.

2010-12-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

is forgetting a valid solution when there is lack of resolution?

2010-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I see throngs of cars on the road, I think about the hundreds (thousands?) of people they contain. Then I think of each of their lives being as complex and complicated as my own, each person wrapped up in their own cosmos unaware of all the others except as other cars on the drive.

It makes them feel big, then small; and then the statement that the God of the universe knows everything everyone's going through seems even more impossible.

Nothing is impossible with God, except contradiction, it's an impossible something.

Another non-update

2010-12-22T21:46:00.001-08:00

I've been reading Ulysses. It's a book I've wanted to read for a while, and I've been enjoying it greatly. Somehow, i was unacquainted with the typical response to the book. It seems everyone that finds out I'm reading it wishes me luck. This surprised me at first considering how enjoyable it is. Every time someone wishes me luck, I feel like I'm somehow reading it incorrectly. The writing is dense, but at least for me, it isn't headache dense. It's full of interest. I suppose I haven't been reading for full comprehension, but since when do you fully understand a piece of music on your first play/listen through?

I guess I should wait till I get at least halfway through to make further comment since the sentences are supposed to start looking more and more baffling.

---

It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that Christmas is two days away.

2010-11-12T18:38:00.000-08:00

What would you say is the difference between the practice of Christians coming together around the idea of the church 'body' as a body of diverse parts (people) specifically gifted by God to work together as a unity and being at its best when working together AND secular society which also values things like group work and bringing people of diverse fields or backgrounds together saying that it produces better understandings and results?

When someone in the church gains insight or help from the gifts of someone else in the church it is attributed to God's gifting of the body. If the same thing happened outside the church it could be attributed to the value of diversity.

What are spiritual gifts in this context, when things often considered spiritual gifts (by the holy spirit) within the church also seem to be present and helpful outside of it? Does the typical concept of spiritual gifting (that of 'discover your spiritual gift' questionnaires) need to be narrowed?

connais pas

2010-10-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've known (connaitre as opposed to savoir*) God's presence in my life.

Sometimes I wonder whether I've put up a wall or broken through the illusion. The symptoms are too similar.

I suppose this is the point where most people just go with whichever they want, but I'm interested in what is true. Can I ask? Why do you believe?

Of course there's nobody to respond. It's just something I always wonder when I look at people who seem so sure. I used to be sure, but when I ask my former self the question, there doesn't seem to be a good answer.

*connaitre being more of an experiential knowing, like that of knowing a person personally rather than knowing Shakespeare from one's studies. I find that I know of God and all the things in my life that could be manifestations of his presence. I even thank Him for these things when I remember. But it has been increasingly difficult to know Him as a presence in my life.

[19]

2010-09-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

As promised, a blog I wrote on the expo!

http://shiftboston.blogspot.com/2010/09/192-countries-represented-at-shanghai.html

Yilan [18]

2010-08-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

This summer, my travels around Taiwan were pretty limited. Normally I would visit relatives all over, but this time I never made it down south.

Yilan, although only half an hour outside of Taipei, was probably one of my larger trips. A couple of my coworkers took me there to look at some architect by a well known Taiwanese architect, whose name I have written down but cannot read...

This first building is a gallery building that is still under construction. The concept was to give the essence of driftwood floating in and under the surface of the water. The park behind was designed by the same firm as well:

slides:

The second building was some sort of small commemorative museum. It wasn't open, but look at that 'folded' concrete, something that maybe too many architects get excited about. I like it too. The roof of the room the left folds down and becomes a bench which doubles as a shade for the windows below:

This was the architect taking the typology of local buildings and stacking them on top of each other to form a community center sort of space:

The second floor directly connected to a bridge going off away from the building. The material of the path didn't change so you never got a sense that you were leaving the building until you were already further away. There were a lot of little nooks to sit and look out over the landscape:

The bridge used to be only for cars, but the architects added a pedestrian walkway off to the side and slightly under the existing bridge. It used the structure of the existing bridge.

For being by a roadway, the pedestrian bridge was peaceful. Probably because it was lower in level. So much nicer than sidewalks on bridges right next to the cars that I am used to.:

Rowing machines looking over the river:

Realizing that quirked out form is hard to read. i don't get it.

Last was a trip to another much larger museum. The concept was of a rock sitting in the water. The water around is manmade, but the ocean was right across the street:

White Man Toothpaste, aka, The Last Days [17]

2010-08-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

Back in Taipei, it was hard to believe the summer was already coming to an end. It was a good couple weeks. For one, after coming back from Shanghai it felt blissfully cool in Taipei. At that point, I knew America was gonna feel cold.

This was a picture from a cousin's birthday at Ponderosa, no comment on the restaurant choice; he wanted steak. Ponderosa in Taipei is a fancy nice restaurant, and as with all fancy nice western food in Taiwan, it was disappointing. I'm wondering, do you get good Western food when you travel in tour groups? I'm guessing that's what most of the dining outside of Taiwan has been for my aunt's family. If you can't tell, our fingers are the candles for the imaginary cake. Nice:

I took one last trip back to Baisun to visit my grandparents. As usual, life on the mountain was dominated by talking about food. By the first day, My grandmother had already planned out the menu for the entire time I would be there. Stuff was constantly being added to the menu. Life seems so simple in the country. Life is about family, friends, a nice breeze, a bit of rain, health and good food. With all the complexities of city life, higher education, and contemporary life in general, it's often hard for me to appreciate their simple life. Although they keep up with the news through the television, it was still hard for me to explain things to them that seemed basic to the way i live. I'm sure their lives have been busier in the past, but the slow pace of taking an hour to buy a bus ticket was frustrating and refreshing. It was inefficient by the way I live, (not that i had anywhere to go), but for my grandparents, buying a ticket was definitely less about efficiency and more about their friendship with the ticket office owners. Same goes for grocery shopping etc...

I was introduced to a new fruit/nut... not sure what. I love that produce shopping in Taiwan lets you taste test. In Taipei, I saw store owners chopping cabbages in half for customers to inspect the insides before buying.:

At the indoor supermarket near my grandparents' I saw white man toothpaste for the first time. It was next to the black man's toothpaste. What's the deal?

Temple nestled between other buildings. I used to be surprised when walking along a street looking into storefronts and all of the sudden finding myself looking into a temple at a giant Buddha rather than another storefront. I guess this is what it looks like from across the street:

The last Saturday was phenomenal. A trip to Yilan, which will be my next post, and then dinner at a delicious Japanese restaurant and dessert at the Melange, a supposedly very well known dessert and drinks place. I wasn't too impressed by the overcooked waffles, but they say the dryness helps them to soak in the flavors of the toppings... I guess that's what you would call a Taiwanese take on Western food. Otherwise, it was good company and a good time.:

This is a photo during the daytime of a building in the same area (between Zhongshan and Minquan MRT stations. I liked walking around this area. There were a lot of boutiques and artist studio stores. Bamboo is a common material, but it still looks exotic to me.:

Speaking of bamboo, a bamboo grove in Daan Forest Park. I liked the way the bamboo creaked in the wind. Daan Park is Taipei's sad equivalent to Central Park, with a fabulous playground. If I was still small enough, that playground could have been a mini paradise:

Random nature shot around the corner from my Aunt's condo:

And finally, a few shots from the firm where I worked. I know you've been wondering if it's all been a lie, but it's true. I was in fact interning and not just travelling around Taipei.

Birthday:

The serious half of the office:

Send-off lunch. They acquiesced to my requests not to eat spaghetti again. I think this was a Japanese restaurant instead.:

It was always strange to me how the heart of the building where the firm is located connected directly to the outside. In the end, does that save energy or waste a/c? In my education, people get so excited about 'fuzzy spaces' between interior and exterior, but after being in Taiwan, it's really just a norm:

At the very end, gift shopping. Got a few small things at one of these stores. These shops don't sell any of their own products. Instead, they rent out cubes to other people to sell whatever they want. Makes for a pretty interesting array of stuff:

Shanghai V (Life)[16]

2010-08-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've hostelled. In a lot of ways it's true that hostelling is "not as nice" as a typical hotel. It's noisy, there's less privacy, and you don't get a maid or a TV or whatever. But I remembered a couple things about hostels that I've really missed. To start, Often they carry more of the flavor of the country they are in. A Marriott might be comfortable, but a Marriott is a Marriott whether in the US or China. I would hope that most people don't travel just to experience what they already know. Although.. I guess coming home at night to something familiar can be good after a tiring day. How would one design an upscale hotel with the flavor of the country it is in?

I also enjoyed meeting the other people staying at the hostel. Quite a few were travelling on 'around the world' plane tickets, going around to different countries for a whole year. Out of all the people I met, I suppose I was probably the most boring. Only in Shanghai for a week and not really travelling otherwise. Regardless, it was nice to hear advice on places to go and things to see. We even picked up an extra companion from Japan for our trip to Suzhou.

Front door:

Next door:

Inner Courtyard. The hostel was a traditional Chinese residential complex converted into hostel. Quite unique.:

Creepy hallway made less creepy by lighted statues. Didn't quite get the ambiance here.

This is where the rooms were:

We mostly ate breakfast at one of the stands down the street.:

Shanghai IV [15]

2010-08-17T21:12:00.001-07:00

Circular Overpass, Pudong. I have lost much of my love for joiners after discovering photoshop's auto joiner command. I still (stubbornly?) put my joiners together manually with love.

Shanghai III [14]

2010-08-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

People keep asking me where else I went other than Shanghai as if I could see the expo and do a decent amount of travelling outside of the city in less than 8 days. Although I was initially unimpressed by a city that on the surface looks like any other international city, Shanghai itself offered plenty to see and do.

At first when seeing this photo large on my computer screen I wanted to photoshop it into brighter clearer skies, but the muggy feeling looking at this photo is exactly how it was. That day at the Bund, it took me a little while to remember that it was pollution and not just fog that was making everything into a blurry haze. In a future post there will be a traumatic story about why I am now thankful that I did not choose to work under the polluted skies of Shanghai.

The Bund is typical and yet atypical. A strip of land on the edge of water where pedestrians can walk and enjoy a city view is not uncommon, but the view is something else. One the opposite side of the river is Pudong, a land of huge shiny skyscrapers and new buildings still rapidly going up. Across the street, Neoclassical European architecture, each building unique.

On our walk around the Bund, we saw a ferry for 2 yuan. Neither of us being able to read chinese, we weren't too sure of where it was going, but we figured it wouldn't hurt. We joked about accidentally ending up in Japan (for two yuan). Unfortunately it was a short trip; we crossed the river and landed in Pudong.

This is the same building you see three pictures up in the background of the monument, The Shanghai World Financial Center. (The skyscraper with a hole in it). I found the interior to be glossy and nice, yet unexciting. Although, if we had been more lavish in our spending, I suppose the upper floors may have offered a little more. Yea yea okay, I can't say I really saw the building. If you have photos of interest on the interior, I would love to see them:

I believe this was on the way to the French Concession, a pleasant walk and a happy ending at TianZiFang. TianZiFang was more Venice-like than Suzhou (Venice of the East). Narrow-winding streets filled with small shops and traditional style buildings. This comparison, however, also makes me realize one way in which tight residential neighborhoods in the traditional chinese style differ from other countries I have been. One is less likely to stumble upon the sudden opening of the tight corridors into a public plaza. Plazas that exist often seem to be more of an afterthought or part of a larger urban planning than something that came with the growing of the neighborhood. Gathering spaces are more likely to take the form of courtyards within properties than as an extension of the public street. Of course, from the limited amount I have seen, I may be wrong. I suppose, as with Paraisopolis, the streets themselves often provide adequate space for public events.:

At this point I must apologize for my camera's complete inability to take decent pictures in anything less than the light of day. I do not have pictures of Tianzifang or the rest of the French Concession as we arrived there at dark. I also do not have photos of many of the interiors of buildings, including the expo. I see myself making a post just on interiors and night scenes in the future if I am able to round up photos from friends who were with me on my journeys. In the meantime, if you would like to start up a fund to procure a new camera, I would not be opposed.

Below, a building seen on an afternoon reunited with a friend I had not seen in over four years. It's strange how traveling to Asia means I see more friends from times past than staying in the US.

The destination was the Shanghai 1933 Slaughterhouse, now converted into a shopping center. Of course, i couldn't read the words on the destination other than the number 1933, so rather than knowing what we were looking for, we sort of headed off to the area I was pointed to on a map and hoped to see something spectacular. The bad news is I saw the big red 1933 sign on the modern looking building (which was closed) and assumed our trip had been in vain. It was also already getting to about 4:00pm, the time I was supposed to meet a friend all the way on the other side of town. The building next door, which piqued my interest, is the actual slaughterhouse. The interior is well worth a visit.

Call me crazy, but something about the way all the opened windows changed the texture of this facade was intriguing.

Back at People's Square, the Tomorrow's Square Marriot Hotel is easy to find. A friend I hadn't seen since undergrad stayed here and we were able to meet up for dinner and a night view of the Bund. If you want a free view of the city, the lounges and bars on the upper floors have much to offer.

uuuh....gly? but eyecatching nonetheless.

After a disappointing trek to Xintiandi -- another housing area redeveloped into shopping, except it just looks like shopping trying to be redeveloped housing and failing -- we walked north and happened upon the museum. It was a good day for a museum as I had an aspiring cold. Pretty cool building and an excellent collection. If the school year does not pounce on me when I return to the US there will be sketches from this visit as well as other places visited:

At the very end of my trip, Pudong Airport. It was nice to see something structurally different for once. The space frame airport trend is becoming tiring.

Shanghai II (Qibao) [13]

2010-08-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

A lesser known canal town on the western edge of Shanghai;

Selling Crickets:

mmmmm. babies:

Shanghai I (Suzhou) [12]

2010-08-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

8 days of leisure is a frightening amount to blog about. This post will just be a start. For those of you waiting on news of the expo, you will just have to wait. I will begin by writing about my other experiences as I am waiting on photos from friends and will most likely be guest blogging on a different site in September.

The second to last day of our trip was spent in Suzhou. The tickets were only 40 RMB and on the fast train, the trip took half an hour. Unfamiliar with the territory, however, we were sent off to the Hongqiao Shanghai train station to take our trip there. On our search for the departure gates we walked all the way down this long hallway and back again, pretty much the distance between two subway stops. Things in China are big.

Suzhou is a place known for its beauty: it's canals, gardens, and older architecture. Instead of immediately finding the tourist destinations, we spent a while just walking around hoping to come upon something. Here are a few of the sites:

This building was actually pretty nice. The space underneath the building was a water pool and there was a "porch" area within the concrete lattice walls before entering the building proper.

Humble Administrator's Garden:

More walking. After seeing the picture perfect Suzhou in postcards and brochures, we were sort of expecting the whole city to be some sort of picture perfect spot. Needless to say, we found ourselves strangely frustrated at being unable to find the postcard paradise. But there were still interesting spots to see:

Anybody know why there is so much temporary housing around?

Still not sure what to make of these types of buildings. They struck me as awkward when I first came to Taiwan (this one's relatively tame compared to the other images in my mind), but now I've become accustomed to their style. Hopefully that is not a bad thing.

I enjoy the way people make use of the street. In the US, everyone seems to stay within boundaries of home, yard, or park. Here the street is truly public space. We also saw a family eating dinner on the sidewalk:

The most exciting and stressful moment of the day was departure. After seeing the up and going part of the city (which i have no photos of... because it was sort of typical tourist nice) we decided to walk north and see what we could see on the way to the train station. Upon reaching the road to the back of the station we were accosted by various people on mopeds telling us the station had moved and they would take us to the new station. At first the sentiment was that they were trying to rip us off, until we realized they were telling the truth. Needless to say, for 5 rmb, Lian got her first ride on the back of a moped after commenting about how dangerous it looked a few hours earlier. We arrived at the gate a few minutes before departure.

[11] Missing small cuties

2010-07-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

My aunt sent the poodle away last weekend. It's strange not having him greet me when I come home and sit with me while I eat breakfast. Not that they're anywhere the same, but it makes me wish Trang, my roomate's adorable two year old, around. It's nice to come home to someone small and adorable who's unabashedly happy to see you.

7/18/2010 Public Spaces

Sun yat-sen Memorial Hall:

I've had a lot of trouble keeping Taiwan's history straight. It's so complicated! Of course, I say this as someone terrible with names, dates, and places. Sun Yat-sen is an interesting figure in history as he is both respected in Taiwan and Mainland China.

There were over a hundred dancers and people doing partial arts on the 'porch' around the building. The park out front was completely empty. The sun here is rather hot. Everytime I've had to do some landscaping in my projects I look at all the places without shade and wonder if anybody will use them. I guess I've never been around for Taiwan's winter.

Display of historic objects:

This wall snaked back and forth through the room displaying important documents and figures:

Performance by honorary soldiers:

The Living Mall was pretty boring as a mall, but it's one of the stranger buildings in this city.:

I don't think I'd ever see item two on this sign in the US, or at least not anywhere I've lived. It's hard to answer questions some people ask about the US and which make it into one homogeneous place. They ask me about climate and I think of Pennsylvanian weather versus Maine, California, Texas, Michigan, Florida, or... Alaska. So what's the American winter like? I remember someone in Ghana reminding us not to talk about Africa as if it were one same thing. It's hard not to with places you are not familiar.

Sign outside the mall:

Cracked out building. From far away I wondered what the pattern on the building was.:

One of many unending escalators. Zhongxiao Fuxing Metro on my way to Maokong.:

This was probably my most introverted moment of the whole trip. I took the subway to the Maokong Gondola (Cable Car) to go to the tea plantations out in the mountains and drank tea by myself for a couple hours while journaling. It was pleasant.

I thought this would make for a nice artsy picture, but I guess, in the end, it's just a dead leaf.

They taught me the proper three step way to make tea. Always wondered what those tiny terracotta teapots were good for other than decoration.

Check out the tray. Apparently drinking tea the right way requires spilling a lot of tea out. Four years ago, I went to some really wealthy friend of my grandmother's resort. I remember drinking tea in her tea room. There was a stone table made for the catching of "spilled tea and in memory it seems like just as much tea was spilled out as drank. I asked the owner of this teahouse about it. His explanation had to do with keeping the outside of the terra-cotta or stone teaware warm and also watching the evaporating liquid as a natural timer.

The view was great and the cool mountain breeze was refreshing on a hot day.

Taiwanese standards for "handicap accessible" seem quite low. Many of the ramps I have seen require assistance to be used. When I first saw the one at my office I wondered what it was for until I saw someone push a wheelchair up it. "Holy crap, that's a ramp?". This ramp might not be meant for the handicapped, but still, 'holy crap, steep ramp'.

[10] Black hair... why?

2010-07-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

Anybody know why people in such a hot sunny climate would have sun absorbing colored hair? The weather has been scalp cooking of late. Perhaps I should give into the umbrella on sunny days practice... would feel strange doing so.

Also, playboy bunny? I see so many people wearing playboy apparel and accessories. My grandmother has nice grandmothery playboy pillowcases and towels. I can see how it could just be a cute bunny, but it still strikes me as odd. Do people know what it represents or does it just not matter? I'd actually like an answer to this question... but have not wanted to ask.

Beware those long skirts! They were made to kill! Humorous chinglish doesn't usually stand out to me unless I'm looking for it. I saw this sign multiple times before realizing the english didn't actually make sense. My brain has transitioned to chinese mode:

I always thought spoken chinglish was just something chinese immigrants to the US did, but I'm discovering more and more that english words are part of the language here.

7/10/2010

11am

After a rather strenuous morning getting my visa for Shanghai figured out, and realizing that FedEx isn't quite the same around these parts, I went to a buffet with my aunt's family and a bunch of cousins once removed that I'd never met before:
One of the waiters accidentally dropped a glass and me and my aunt got sprayed with glass. After breaking a wine bottle and having glass get stuck in my foot last year, I'm a bit terrified of glass shards. No blood this time around.

7/14/2010

This day was a wow. I haven't been too busy at the office so far, but busy in the architecture field is inevitable. After going out to buy lunch, I came back and halfway through my lunch I was whisked away to take some site photos. We went to a site in the Danshui District overlooking the ocean. I'm always amazed by the diversity of places within Taipei:

The large roads running through empty properties gave the site a rather abandoned feel even though it was obvious that the area had not been inhabited except for the few random ramshakle houses that could only be discovered by following not so obvious trails. I can't help wondering if these are legally owned properties or merely claimed land.:

Another site was in the Neihu District. Taipei 101 looks much taller from farther away.:

7/17/2010

8am

I decided to go explore the more historic side of Taipei this weekend. First stop was Treasure Hill. I'm sure the name is much less pirate-like in Chinese. This was a basketball court I saw on the way up the hill. Not sure why, but I really liked this view with the lines of the bridge, court, and power at various depths:

Treasure Hill was deemed as a must visit place by the New York Times. It was an illegal settlement and has the character of a favela. After seeing this photo, I was pretty interested in seeing the area. Unfortunately the area is closed for renovation and the only thing open to the public is this temple at the entrance to the community:

On the way disappointed back down the hill. What is this space supposed to be?:

9am

Next stop, the Lin Family Garden, built by the richest family in Taiwan some time ago.

Market on the way. I used to think outdoor produce markets were a thing of the Taiwan countryside, but it is most definitely also a thing of the city.

The garden was so much better than a backyard. It reminded me a bit of the Engineered Picturesque in the Parc des Buttes Chaumont. It took me almost an hour to realize most of the rockscape was artificially made of concrete. Can you believe that this cliff in the Parc des Buttes Chaumont is concrete?:

Those bricks are typical brick sized... This space was small. My head could touch the ceiling. Life was so much more interesting before code:

Concrete and steel cage engulfed in tree:

12pm Longshan Temple

The devotion of the people who came to worship the deities here was impressive. It made me think of the time a Chinese friend came to church with me in the US and was impressed by Christian worship. Being at this temple made me wonder how he could find Christian worship so impressive. When I think about it though, good Christian worship is filled with joy, gratitude, and celebration. It is so different from the solemn, respectful and sometimes desperate pleading of worshipers towards these deities:

It's a new experience for me to be in such a superstitious culture. It's normal for people to talk about their trips to talk to fortune tellers and the directions received, fear of ghosts, contacts with dead relatives. I've gotten so used to being with people who belittle any sort of belief in the supernatural, it's actually hard for me to understand how people could so easily believe in a spiritual realm. This despite the fact that I believe in one myself.

After going to look at traditional chinese buildings, I kind of wonder what happened? Traditional chinese architecture is so distinct and so elegant. The buildings going up in Taipei now are so typical, so square, and often tacky. Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if different countries had never met each other. How would architecture have developed in different countries? Or what would transportation look like?

I don't mean to say that Taiwanese buildings no longer have their own character. At the end of my trip I'll try to write a post on how I feel Taiwanese architecture differs from the US.

[9] I'm 24

2010-07-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

I've aged just by switching sides of the globe. Must remember that I was 1 when I was born.

Pics from 6/23. Out with some of the coworkers:

7/3/2010

Museum of Contemporary Art. Summer Holiday exhibit by the director of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. A lot of the exhibit was video or in the dark, so it was hard to capture by camera. The exhibit was centered around a character called Lili, a mannequin placed into various realities through the use of photography, video, or stage sets. The mix of real and unreal aimed to question parts of existence or recall life experiences. Pretty interesting, although i would not have understood much of it without the written explanation. I'm guessing that's how most people look at contemporary architecture today as well except there is no caption

Can't see it in the photo, but this figure was set up fountain like, with tears flowing out of its eyes:

Nearby the museum. Confusing rebar.. it's like a sideways version of a typical Ghanaian building which often has rebar sprouting from its top. Also, IT'S HERE:

Walking south through the Zhongxiao metro mall one the way back from the museum:

This pic will probably move to my previous post at some point to join my comment about Taiwan and scrunchies:

I like the Zhongxiao metro mall because it's full of strange non-mall like spaces. There's a big open area with mirrors where people hold dance classes or practice dancing on their own. There's also the underground book street and a bunch of exhibit spaces. This time I stumbled upon some grasshopper (computer program) projects done by some Taiwanese students. The display was titled Pet Ohmu (If you understand the reference, we can be friends.):

7/4/2010

Completely forgot that it was independence day until the day after. Still had fun. Potstickers with David C and friends for lunch (Plate of 10 for 4 NTD. That's a small meal for 13 cents!)

Then went to the Taipei Exhibition Hall for their Stationary and Computer exhibit. There were some nice pens, but it was mostly cute and unimpressive:

Afterwards, went to Bitan (South of Taipei on a mountain by the river) and ate at a hut-like restaurant where the specialty was whole chicken. Note the chicken in the picture still has eyes. Proper serving technique was to put on some plastic gloves and tear the chicken to pieces:

These were some of the cauldrons over wood burning stoves that the chicken was cooked in. The chef looks quite professional, no?:
7/8/2010

Waiting in line for the subway (zhongxiao fuxing station).

7/9/2010

There are way too many Italian pasta places around here. So far they taste terrible.

[8]

2010-07-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Heat index for today. High of 49 C. Translation 120 F. I am currently preparing to die.

(I have the dates from the past two weeks all mixed up in my mind so I'm just gonna call this whole mess) 6/20/2010

The Taiwanese seem to think their Shanghai pavilion looks like a toilet. What does that make the US pavilion?

I've been working on housing plans for the wealthy. The maid quarters are kept seperate from the family quarters so that their paths do not cross. The maids even have their own entrance and bathroom. In one sense it seems luxurious. In another, it's like segregation. Are there homes in the US like this?

I love that the culture here is still a farming culture. People are always bringing in produce from their family's farms to share with everyone at the office. Lychee, peanuts, mangoes... mangoes!

Watched cloudy with a chance of meatballs on DVD with my aunt and cousin. Wonder how the nerd stereotype works for people in Taiwan where seemingly scrunchies are still in style. [Insert photo of entire stores devoted to scrunchies filled with fashionable youngsters].

I walked through the National Taiwan University campus. It's a pretty nice place to walk, lots of trees, green spaces, and ponds. With all the joggers, walkers, and families hitting around baseballs, it reminded me more of a park than a University.

Their palm tree boulevard reminded me a lot of the one tree conservatory in Ghana, except paved and with cars.

Drunken Moon Lake

At the Gonguan subway station outside of the university. The building is covered in a piece of work by some artist. It changes colors depending what side of the building you're on.

I asked my aunt if red cars had higher insurance in Taiwan. Apparently it's the white cars that are the reckless drivers here. white? really?

Jingmei nightmarket takes over the streets of the daytime produce market.

6/23/2010

Sushi out with the coworkers. I was deemed the second biggest eater. Also, my first time drinking Taiwan beer. Pretty terrible. It's also strange being in a country where pretty much everyone has lower alcohol tolerances. I feel like they would freak out if they saw the way Americans drank. A lot of people were feeling sick the next day at work. All the people who hadn't been drinking, that is. Beer isn't enough alcohol to kill of germs is it?

6/25/2010

Is it a bad sign for stinky tofu when I walk through a night market and can't tell if I'm smelling food or sewer?

6/26/2010

Went back to Baisun for a visit. The cousins' family came along. They stayed at a hotel so they could bask in the a/c. How Taiwanese homes survive without a/c on all the time in this heat is beyond me.

Cat house at the hotel

Garden area surrounding the hotel. Also, look I took a people picture! Those are my cousins.

I liked the way the ground was 'paved'

I stayed in the guest room at my grandmother's house. Bamboo mats are rather excellent for keeping cool at night. I kinda want one.

My uncle looking inspired on the cable car at Sun Moon Lake (possibly Taiwan's biggest tourist attraction) close to where my grandmother lives.

Owl trying to blend in with the buses.

Sun Moon Lake is a park displaying the cultures of the Taiwanese aboriginals. It's also an amusement park but the rides weren't worth taking pictures of... lame.

Also, the last thing i expected to be taking a picture of, but rest stop ftw? American rest stops are like stinky bathroom plus gas station plus mcdonalds and maybe some vending machines. This was more like let's sell really high quality, fancy, and expensive foods in a really decked out building. Oh, and why not hold some concerts upstairs too.

[7]

2010-06-19T08:34:00.000-07:00

6/10/2010

Apparently people here think limes are yellow and lemons are green... unless, of course, they play restaurant city. Then they know.

6/11/2010

Rather dislike being called shy. It's not that I'm scared to speak, it's just that I'm terrible at thinking of things to say... even more so in chinese. I disliked being called shy so much today that i ended up making it a point to make the effort to talk more and am now much more comfortable with my coworkers.

6/12/2010

Went to the Taipei Underground for real today. In the US if I see something decent for $5, I buy it. Here, there's whole stores of decent clothing under $5... I initially had to stop myself from compulsive buying. Taiwan must be the only place I've been where I actually "crave" shopping because it's so affordable and everything fits! Not a big fan of the pants sizing; everything only comes in three sizes: S, M, L. Also not a big fan of shop owners following me around while I shop, giving suggestions, pushing stuff in my face, and encouraging me to buy. Used to shopping in peace in the US with help offered if needed.

Shida Night Market. Snowflake Ice. Nom nom.

6/15/2010

Tempted to never take the bus on a Tuesday again. The driver gets on my nerves, makes for a very long half hour drive.

6/18/2010

Sushi! Paid for by mahjong money. (Not my mahjong money)

6/19/2010

Sort've mind boggling seeing international students back in their natural habitat.

Huashan Creative Park (Preserved historical structures. Originally abandoned warehouses/factory that were used for wine production during Japanese occupation, this area was later discovered by artists and thespians and reoccupied for its tall open spaces.):

I need a place to put a potted plant... hey look, i'll just cut off the top of this tree and then it can have a stand! :

Outside Huashan on my way to food. Sign made of circuit boards announcing the beginning of the Bade Shopping District. Whole street just selling electronics. There's also a shoes street and camera street somewhere... saw the book street today too:

Another random building that caught my attention for being outside of the Taiwanese norm. (Not the orange one, the one next to it):

Duan Wu Festival [6]

2010-06-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duanwu_Festival

<--That's today! Most uneventful day ever. Holiday from work and no rice dumplings. (Thank goodness! I've had enough of those this summer to be done with them for the rest of the year!) I count it as one of my weaknesses that I get tired of eating foods rather quickly even if they happen to be delicious.

A coworker told me a different version of the story behind the holiday where QuYuan was emo, got drunk, saw the reflection of the moon in the river, thought it was beautiful, chased after it and drowned. I couldn't find this version of the story online in English; but the way she told it, it was quite poetic.

端午節快樂!

Fast Forward [5]

2010-06-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

Super quick week... I can barely remember what all happened.

I've realized that I don't know how to disagree, but maybe in the contexts where certain topics were raised it's been appropriate that I kept my mouth shut? People were being astonished(-) by the state of google's workplace, where people wear shorts and t-shirts to work and only dress up for meetings with the outside (also the way American students dress and lounge in libraries). I've always marvelled(+) at the play at work creative environment that google sets up. "You wouldn't dress like that, right?" "ummm... I guess I'm an American too."

Here are some images from my walk home from the subway station. I've been trying to pinpoint what gives buildings in Taiwan a characteristically Taiwanese feel... Haven't really figured it out; in general their just like any other square building with strip windows/balconies or punctured windows. Am I'm just being tricked into thinking there's a Taiwanese style by all the Chinese writing?

Metal Doors are pretty common.

6/6/2010

11am Decided to go looking for an English speaking church. I've been confused by my own feelings about Christianity but I still feel compelled to find a church. It's almost as if not going would be like giving up on truth or running away from things that I do not understand.

12pm I ran into Will's cousins. They came up to me after service. At first I figured they were part of the congregation and wanted to welcome me to the church, but then, "Hey, you know William Huang right? You were at our house for Christmas." o_o. I recognized them at that point.

1pm Met Wisdom at Shilin to go to the National Palace Museum, but first some delicious fried dumplings and red bean ice.

My aunt was surprised I'd want to go to a museum, but the exhibits were quite good.

Furniture: I found some of the furniture to be very spatial compared to the usual object-like designs that are more common nowadays.

Painting: I'd be interested to knowing the evolution of landscape painting within oriental culture. Rather than attempting realism, nature is portrayed abstractly from the very beginning.

Carvings: I've always been amazed by sculpture of any kind. The limited ability to "erase" mistakes when chiseling away from solid stone always seems daunting.

10pm Tennis! Racquet needs some fresh tape.

11pm I read somewhere online that rubbing the inside of a banana peel on a mosquito bite helps to keep down the swelling... it worked!

6/7/2010 Reality

9am Design is hard in the real world. One word, money.

6/8/2010 White or Black

12pm Coworker kept pulling me under her umbrella to keep me out of the sun. I had to explain to her why Americans liked to be tan. She recalled the strange Caucasians from movies basking in summer sunshine on the beach.

6/9/2010

8am This novelty is the rice burger from Mos Burger that I mentioned in a previous post.

3.30pm Waited in line for 2 hours to get my Visa fixed. A German and French guy were sitting in front of me speaking English. It's amazing how English has become a cross-cultural tool for communication even when no english speakers are around. I'm baffled by Taiwanese students needing to score high in English in order to get into better schools. Even if the student is high scoring in every other subject, if their English skills aren't there, they lose. English may be important, but is it essential?

6.00pm Dropped by the Chiang Kaishek Memorial since it was only one stop away.

I was surprised by the paved roadway replacing what i would usually expect to be a grand stairway.

Finally, enjoy this sideways movie... Couldn't figure out a quick way to flip it. Note how the figure walks faster at 7 seconds. It never fails to amuse me.

Intern [4]

2010-06-05T06:06:00.000-07:00

6/1/2010 New

8am In desperate need for a lint roller. nobody owns dryers around here... and most of my clothing is black.

9am Immediately feeling overdressed. (Supervisor later tells me to please dress more casually tomorrow)

10am Meeting, what are they saying?

Update on the BIG project at the office is that it is no longer.

But in other news, I get to work on design. First assignment is a wedding reception area on the roof of the Victoria Hotel. I am presented with a plan with a rather arbitrary oval drawn between a pool and a garden. I'm told that it is the predetermined shape of my design... I was relieved later to find out the form could still be rethought.

Foreign interns are given a lot of freedom in design here. One, because the boss is a teacher and is open to new ideas. Two, because we're not really expected to know or learn Taiwanese codes and regulations so we're allowed to design without those in mind. This suits me just fine.

12:00pm Out for noodles and afternoon nap-time

5:00p Liking the people a lot. Finally people around my age interested in buildings (that wont just send me to tourist attractions) to ask about places to go, eat... and print portfolios.

6:30pm Work over. Tired even though I did pretty much nothing other than fail to install software on the office computer. Maybe just the energy of being in a new environment.

6/2/2010

10:00am People at work keep telling me to relax. Is this saying something about me? I think the GSD has given me a 'never time to relax' mindset that I did not used to have. Undergrad was busy, but people would never have told me I needed to relax back then. I used to get more comments on how relaxed I seemed as I was able to make time for people and other events.

12:00pm I find out that the general opinion is that food is better further south in Taiwan. Why am I in Taipei again?

1:00pm I'm enjoying the fact that there are pillows specially made for office nap times. They're shaped for the head on folded arms over desk sleeping position.

Wish Chinese writing could stick to one direction. Right to left or left to right...

6/3/2010

6:30pm Dinner with the boss, supervisor, and Wisdom's family. His dad is a (supposedly well known) contractor in Taiwan who recommended me to the Architecture firm. Thai food at the Sheraton. It was uncomfortably fancy/formal, but I found the conversation quite good. There was a lot of talk about what one could learn from approaches to design and education in other countries as well as travel and cultural experiences. I was told I looked bored... not good. I'm guessing it's because listening to chinese wears me out. It's not a completely foreign language but it still takes a lot of attention to keep up.

9:00pm Met up with Dan from MRT in Shanghai. Bar I was recommended was closed. Ended up eating rice burgers and drinking juice at Mos Burger. Interesting.

6/4/2010

9:00am New project. Site is at an important Taipei intersection. Designing a 14 story commercial/office building replacing the two story hang ten to the the left of the building left of the white Sogo. It's viewable from the above ground rail as well as the ground level station exits and viewing area within the green sogo across the street. It's somewhat intimidating designing stuff that might get built. Especially in such a hotspot.

3pm Fridays are 'Happy Time' days at the office. Beverages on the office. Office also got in some free pastries. I was surprised when I at the donut and found out it was more bread-like than cake-like. Tien-tien-chuen (sweet sweet circle)

I.M. Pei building on the same intersection as our office. Wondering what the dimple is about... I find it hard to distinguish good skyscraper design... haven't learnt too much about it in school and at first glance it seems like many of the most famous skyscrapers are not so different from the not so famous.

6/5/2010

10am Eslite bookstore building. Galleries, Stationary, Product Design, Fashion, Accessories, Books.

12pm Dinner in the Taipei Underground with David C, friend from back in high school that lives in Taipei.

2pm Jianguo Holiday Flower, Jade, and Artisans Market. On weekends these three markets take up the space of a parking lot underneath a roadway that is used for office/business parking during the week. It was a pretty gloomy day, so most of my pictures did not come out very well, but it was quite a spectacle. The continuous stretch took up four or more city blocks.

4pm Sole purchase was two semi-precious stone chops which I will be getting engraved at some point. The engraver within the market was overpriced. I'm starting to think the stones may have been too even though I was able to haggle the price of both down from 1,200 to 800 NT. I should have tried for 600. Too late now. Although signatures are becoming more common, chops are still used in Taiwan for official forms as a mark of identity and agreement.

Owl Land [3]

2010-05-31T05:33:00.000-07:00

(I think I was punished for threatening the mosquito in my last entry. 10 new bites each averaging about 2 inches in diameter... )

Thought I might introduce you to my new home. Someday I am ever super bored I may endeavor to count all the owls around the place. I would not be surprised if there were over a thousand. The only thing missing is an owl pet.

5/29/2010

1pm My aunt happens upon some notes I had taken in chinese on the road names around the apartment. I ask her if it's like a child's handwriting. She said it's more like the writing of someone from outer space. I'm an alien.

2pm So much yelling at the grocery store... For just the milk section there were three ladies standing and yelling at people to come over and try samples. Imagine how many yelling ladies there were for the whole store.

I enjoy the fact that there is an escalator for shopping carts.

8pm They take ghosts so seriously around here. I guess I sorta believe in ghosts too, but it was strange listening to my aunt and cousins talk about friends who could see/talk to ghosts and discuss when the ghosts would be out the most (dawn and dusk supposedly).

5/30/2010

9am The subway here is so new and oh so smooth. I'm going to have a heart attack my first time back on the Boston T.

There are marked lines on the ground to line up in and wait to get into the cars. I think I butt in front of people at least twice before noticing this fact. Feeling rude.

Tallest escalators ever.

11am Went to church with a friend. Could only understand about half of what was being said.

12pm Ate lunch at some church person's home. They ordered pizza. Different from American pizza mind you. More delicious.

1pm Played mafia in Chinese.

5/31/2010 Tourist

2pm Took a trip to Taipei Main Station to go pick up some maps at the visitor's center.

3pm Brief stop in the Taipei Underground

Began a long but not so long walk back to the apartment. 2.5 hours?

First stop, Peace Park:

Tree with pink leaves! Not sure if that's actually novel or not, but I thought so:

Chiang Kaishek Memorial Complex. There will be more pictures of this when I have the time to actually go in and walk around:

Random building. Reminded me of a boring office building trying to give birth to an Eiffel tower:

Bike Rack at Tai-da University, or at least I think that's where I was:

6pm Back by the Wanlong MRT Station. Dinnertime.

需要學中文~ [2]

2010-05-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

Forgot to add the video in the last post:

Haven't taken any photos since arriving in Taipei. Camera was in my suitcase unpacked the first day when most of the family happenings occurred.

5/25/2010
7pm MSG kicks my butt. Mom tells me maybe i shouldn't eat out at all due to my allergy. To be in Taiwan and just eat home-cooked stuff would be a sad situation. I shall eat out and endure the pain.

5/26/2010 Taipei
4pm Feeling much more at home here with the Mandarin speakers.

6pm Fixed Price dinner at a rather nice restaurant with all the Taipei relatives. Menu reading is going to be a problem. Made it even harder to have to pick the six different courses.

10pm Everyone over after dinner. Aunt made me take the English portion of the test the students have to take to see what high schools they can get into, said I would get a spanking if I got anything wrong. No spanking. They put the exam questions and answers in the paper. Seemed odd.

5/27/2010 Orientation
10am Took the bus to my work place to make sure I don't get lost when I start next week. Tried to remember all the surroundings so I would know when to get off the bus. Everything looks the same. Realizing how much being able to read is part of the way I orient myself.

12pm 湯包 'soup buns'. One of my favorites.

5/28/2010
Cousin mostly keeps himself shut in his room playing computer games. Wonder if I'll even get to know him before the end of the summer.

10am Went to contemporary dance class with my aunt. Was fun. After growing up in a home where dancing was not permissible, (conservative Chinese family within a conservative Chinese community) I'm mostly terrified of dancing because I don't know how. Much easier when nobody around knows me.

12pm Taipei Market. The spring rolls here are quite different from spring rolls I ever had in the US. Soft crepe-like wrapper.

6pm Clam chowder?

8pm Learning new facts about my mom's childhood. Enlightening.

5/29/2010
11am This mosquito needs to stop biting me or die.

After a week without internet -- [1]

2010-05-26T08:24:00.000-07:00

Summer began with a never ending school year. After final reviews, what seemed like summer began, but I had another review to prepare for my design seminar on informal settlements: four boards worth of information, deskcrits, and workshops to attend. Right after finishing those boards, I was informed that one of my models from first semester had been broken and I would be spending the next day and a half working on rebuilding a model I had already completed. The following two days I helped a friend in thesis with her project, then the day after I was informed that I had been selected to submit more work from second semester for studio works. I took my birthday off... other than studying for the Moneo exam the following day... and worked on the studioworks submittal after four hours of essay exam. I sent a copy of the submittal to my studio critic, received the response around 3 am, continued working on the submittal until around 5 am, and finally... it was time to pack, move my belongings, get in a van, go to the airport, and fly to Taiwan. (started writing a paper while at the airport).

Okay, so it wasn't quite solidly packed. I did a lot of good cooking and eating and also went shopping for the first time all year in between traveling by van and traveling by airplane – Four pairs of shoes and a shirt from Banana Republic for a grand total of $2.50, gotta love birthday coupons.

5/15/2010 Departure

11pm (US) Ran into a childhood family friend on the plane again. Last time it was Eugene Chen sitting three seats away in the same row. I was too afraid to talk in case it wasn't actually him, so for sixteen hours I just wondered. Facebook eventually clarified the issue and we ended up meeting up in Taipei.

7pm (TW) Stopover in Anchorage, Alaska. Kinda wish airports allowed one to experience their locales rather than being non-places. I might as well have been in an airport in Pennsylvania.

8pm Stayed up till eight pm Taiwan time to begin to adjust to the twelve hour time difference. Slept quite soundly the rest of the way.

5/17/2010 Arrival

6am Everything looks older than I remember, or maybe I've just gotten used to how new even the older American cities look in comparison.

7am Taiwanese soymilk with shou-bing you-tiao. First delicious breakfast and many more to come, never want to drink Silk again.

9am I love how everyone rides 'motorcycles'/scooters here including the typical grandmother. There's something somewhat rebellious about it in the States that makes Taiwan's streets seem somewhat comical on first take. Also noticing that nobody locks up their bikes – makes me even more upset about my bike being stolen with two locks on.

11am Spent the morning at my aunt's, apparently they now have a poodle! My macbook has now been licked by both infant and puppy. The two year old is playing make-believe and rather loves eating apples, the puppy should know better.

12pm Went to a Taiwanese buffet for lunch; it couldn't be more different from the Chinese buffet's back home. The typical white American probably wouldn't have recognized a thing. Well, maybe the watermelon.

3pm Headed to Baishan.

6pm Got off the bus and immediately covered myself in deet. Mom gets bitten.

7pm Everyone wants to make me fat.

8pm Showered next to the toilet with a pool of ants.

9pm Went to sleep on a wooden box with a few spiders that, according to the grandparents, I don't want to kill because they'll help eat the mosquitoes and cockroaches. I guess going to bed with a tarantula looking thing is better than cockroaches?

5/18/2010 North Mountain

My grandparent's house is at the same time one of my favorite places on earth and the one that makes me the most neurotic. They live in one of the five houses on an entire mountain. It's a great place for clearing my mind, getting away from things, and just enjoying how absolutely gorgeous untouched nature is. At the same time, nature has way too many biting insects; in the past I would step out of the car and immediately have ten new mosquito bites. This time I brought the deet cream they gave us in Ghana to keep us from all getting malaria.

This video shows the drive down their street. Mountain roads remind me of the winding roads in mario kart – that I usually fall off of – except in real life. The end of the video pans the view over the side of the mountain.

The pictures above are all from around their house. Largest backyard ever. It's basically a side of the mountain. There's a cute little lizard in one of the pictures if you look for it. The first morning my grandparents cut some bamboo sprouts from just behind the house and we had fresh bamboo soup with our congee a few hours later.

The house itself is an interesting reflection of their way of life. The windows and doors are all barred with multiple gates because of the lack of protection from robbery in rural places. There's also large wooden sticks everywhere. I still remember as a nine year old being toured around the house and shown where all the big sticks were for beating up bad men. There are windows between all the rooms of the house – including the bathrooms – to allow for natural ventilation. They also create much less space for privacy. There's much more of a sense of everyone being together here than when I'm back home.

The main reception room is the only thing visible at the entrance of the house and is a relatively large and showy space. At least in older Taiwanese culture there's huge concern with putting on a good facade towards outsiders. My ah-ma (grandmother) was upset when she found out my dad didn't wear a suit and tie on the plane. She has also been picking out my mother's outfits for every time we go out and see anyone. The way she talks about how people look is making me seriously self-conscious for the first time in a long while – Prejudice against the color of skin, weight, age, clothing, financial situation. She specifically directed me to find a rich husband that would get me a big beautiful house so that everyone could see. She even told me what age to get married. Of course, also by traditional culture; I, the younger in the family hierarchy, sat in tacit agreement.

Baishan:: Grandmother's house

Front of property

Driveway up to house. Storage/Laundry building.

Backyard/Forest

Mr. Lizard

Huge Spider in my room #1

Shower with toilet and windows

5/19/2010 Puli

7am After traveling to various foreign countries, I've found that food markets are a pretty defining moment within a culture. America is the most sterile. Kumasi was the most intense. Taiwan exists in a semi-comfortable in between. In Ghana, shop owners would grab onto our arms and tug us towards their shops, constantly telling us to come and see. It took some effort to remove them and keep moving through the narrow four foot wide pathways. In Taiwan, although the markets are still crowded and loud, at least one can keep moving. The fact that one can taste test pretty much anything before buying or move onto the next stand is also a big plus.

Breakfast

Market

5/20/2010 Superstition

12p Found out it's unacceptable to leave chopsticks upright in a bowl. Too much like the offering of incense to the dead.

6pm Ate noodles and fish for my grandfather's birthday longevity. Had to be careful not to break the noodles before they got in our mouths. He's turning eighty for the second time since seventy-nine is an unlucky number.

5/21/2010

7pm Taiwanese delicacy doesn't seem all that different from the home cooked stuff. I'm beginning to miss the diversity of food available in the States.

5/22/2010

7am Ah-gong (grandad) made a juice from boiling the kind of berries that are mostly just stepped on all over Ann Arbor. A2 should make more juice; it was delicious.

11am Ah-ma kept talking about taking us to a some church made out of paper from Japan. Got there and it was made out of paper tubes. Pleasant surprise. Architects know what I mean. Forgot to take pictures of it. Here's pictures from the area around instead.

Grandparents

Parents

Big spider #2, This one was the size of my face...

Elementary School

12pm Education's in a strange place in Taiwan this year. There aren't enough students since people have stopped having children. This elementary school where I used to play only has twelve students now. Students have also begun to protest the amount of work and a record amount dropped out before testing to get into high school a couple days ago. They're now trying to get students from China to come study here.

5/23/2010

8pm Flying ants everywhere. It will probably rain tomorrow.

5/24/2010 下雨天

5am Rain on corrugated aluminum roofing is deafening, can barely hear my music even on the highest volume.

2010-04-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

not doing that again..

Arnold Arboretum

2010-04-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Enjoyed a bit of solitude. It's always nice to get away from things. Felt so blissful after an hour or so walking around.

Never quite know what to think of these vine trees. The vine basically parasitically grows up an existing tree and slowly kills it until the vine is the tree. In Ghana there were really beautiful trees where the host tree had completely rotted away and one could stand inside the leftover gap and look up the entire height of the tree. You can see the dying tree in the second picture below.

This tree was a forest of its own. Really amazing. I def have a thing for trees you can get inside. There was a 'clearing' in the middle of its 'trunk'... Something about the reversal of space is just really interesting.

Eventually went and laid down in the grass under some of the blooming trees. The mother bird belonging to that nest kept cooing at me.. Eventually flew from the nest and sat on a branch right over my face.... at which point I became terrified of being pooped on and fled the scene.

Life is a hot shower

2010-03-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

A friend was using the shower as an analogy for something the other day, something to do with a project. I don't remember, but I was thinking that the analogy actually works pretty well for the way life works.

A shower has all the appearances of complete control. You look at it and you can say what you would do to get hot water, cold water, change the amount of water, and sometimes even the way the water comes out of the shower head. (The rest of this analogy sort of depends on you being the type that really likes hot showers... which I do.) There's always that beginning adjustment period where you fudge the temperature around until it's just the way you like it, sometimes this takes longer than others but then as the shower progresses, the water will not feel quite hot enough and so the handle gets bumped a little more and a little more to get the heat back where it needs to be. (I remember at home when I used to take super long showers the handle would have turned a good thirty degrees in the time between the initial set up temperature and where it was at the end with me just slowly bumping the heat up.) But after all this adjustment and build up in temperature; once in a while, if the shower lasts too long, other people are using the hot water, or you're at some camp with limited water supply all of the sudden the water goes cold.

I feel like life's that way... With a lot of endeavors you start out not quite where you want to be; it's uncomfortable, but you work your way up to a point where it's comfortable enough to linger in. As time goes on, you might begin to take that stage for granted and want something more or maybe something happens that makes things not so comfortable again and so you turn the heat up and begin to pursue something bigger or just act to get your life back on track. Life never stays comfortable though... there's always things outside of our control, no matter how many knobs we're offered and how much we can plan and see the way that our lives are going to work... do well in school, to get into a good college, to have a good career, to earn a lot of money... and then every once in a while things just go cold. We're never guaranteed that things will go as planned no matter how much we take our independence and control over our own lives for granted. I'm becoming more and more aware of this as an increasing amount of people around me reach points in their lives where they end up hitting rock bottom, often meeting failure in times when it seemed like everything was going alright. It's only in those times that we remember that really we're not in control at all... not even in the times when things seem to be going right. There's so much beyond the small space of our shower that is dictating the temperature and quality of what comes out, a really complex system that is tied into the workings of an entire municipality, country, or (to some extent) world. For Christians this a moment to remember that life is bigger than our own plans, God is in control, and there's someone to trust in who's bigger and more constant than all life's problems. For many, this has been a source of comfort time and time again. Success and personal worth does not need to be defined by success within society, school, career, or relationships... I wonder though, what's the reaction for those without that belief?

What is hope in times when things are out of control?

2009-12-10T20:16:00.000-08:00

I miss music.

I guess I still find time to play around now and then, but it's always only with pressure in the back of my mind that I will have to stop soon and get back to work. I still remember when I would just play violin for 5 hours straight without any pressure to stop other than maybe needing to eat. I could lose myself within the rhythms and melodies. Or what about the time to be able to compose. What happened to that sort of time? That kind of thought and creativity is not something that can just be rapidly forced out on some sort of time constraint.

Perhaps I'd say the same about my studio design work. Five days before the final review, my project was turned on its head and I started over. I mean, really started over on this project that should have taken a month to prepare. So maybe I was able to finish the work (with plenty of pain and less sleep than I've ever experienced before), and maybe I had a good review, but is this really the way design is supposed to happen? Architecture culture seems to say so, but at least to me, there's really something to be wanted. When I look at society today, rushing around, always feeling busy, always tired; sometimes I wonder what we've done to ourselves. Somehow I don't think this is what being human was meant to be like.

I look at my professors, pulling all-nighters right along with the students, coming into school drained, frantic, stressed, still around studio at 3 am. In Inge's words "At least we're never bored." It's true. After living this sort of life for a while it seems preposterous for anyone to say that they're bored. How is it possible for one to not have anything to do? But what a painful way to avoid boredom.

I've watched as two of my friends have officially entered into the music world, record labels and all. They record, they sing, they play, they perform, they enjoy every moment of it and it is their life. Somedays I really wish that was me. I guarantee you I wouldn't be bored.

2009-12-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

I've been stressed about not having enough time to finish an assignment before... but I've never been stressed out from feelings that there's no possible way I could actually finish an assignment no matter how much time I had... What's expected from me for this project is borderline impossible... with only the assumption that it is possible...

5 days left and no project yet. What happens if what i'm trying to do is actually impossible?

[2] Does God lead people into temptation?

2009-10-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

[I always thought it would be good to take all of the hard questions about Christianity that I encounter and think about and actually write down my responses to them so that I have a record of them that I can look back to if I ever encounter the question again. Here's the beginning.]

Q: In the book of Luke, Chapter 4, Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit in the desert where the devil tempted him. Doesn't it seem wrong for the Holy Spirit (and therefore God) to lead Christ into temptation? Isn't that like being complicit with the temptation?

A: The answer to this question lies in looking at the assumptions in the question itself. The question assumes that it is bad to be tempted. This is not necessarily true. It is not a sin to be tempted (we all are at some point or another); it is only a sin to fall into temptation by actually giving in to what the temptation is asking from us. In 1 Corinthian 10:13 it says that God is faithful and doesn't let his people be tempted beyond what they can bear. It does not say that God does not allow his people to be tempted. In the case where God leads Jesus (or Job, for that matter) into temptation, He must know that they will be able to bear the temptation and that in the end, it will be for His glory and their strengthening.

A question in response could be, “If a person allowed an enemy to carry out a plan that he knew could and would be foiled in the end, would he be complicit with the enemy by allowing the plan to unfold?” Thinking further... “What if the carrying out of the plan in combination with the foiling of it would actually allow the people on the “good” side a greater victory in the end?”

2009-10-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Usually it's pretty hard to really think about how I've changed as a person over the years, but once in a while I'll hear a song that used to speak straight to my heart... that I can't relate to so well anymore, and then it's obvious.

2009-10-09T09:03:00.000-07:00

It's always good being somewhere where I'm not always right on the first try, because it means this place actually has something to offer me that I do not already know; but, it also makes life a lot harder.

Also, am I actually learning or am I just being brainwashed towards the incredibly strong biases of the instructors here?

Pencil (Pen) and Paper

2009-08-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

I like when things look simple, clean, uncluttered... but at the same time I have that disease where I look at a thing and can imagine the marvelous future that it may have. You know, the problem of "just incase". I'll keep this and that because maybe just maybe someday it will be exactly what I need. Of course, come future, these trifling objects are forgotten. But then again, years later, I get to discover forgotten wonders in the comfort of my own familiar room.

I love that idea of discovery. Maybe that's why I like changes of scenery and readily embrace change. The best discoveries to me, however, are always when something is discovered about things which are already familiar. I guess that says something for education and gaining new perspectives on things. You know, that moment in science class where the middle schooler learns about the chemical reactions in wool that make it "itch" and goes home and is all "holy crap! wool socks!" Maybe that's just me...

Last night I started going through my box of old letters, cards, notes, and invitations. So much of it was things I don't remember ever receiving. It wasn't just those pieces of paper I forgot; there were names, so many names of people that I, at some point, seem to have had as friends. I can barely picture their faces now. Some of them I don't have any recollection of at all.

Some people say that memories are kind; they block out bad happenings and allow us to forget, left with only good impressions of sometimes uncomfortable moments. I only wish my memory worked that way. I forget so many of the good things in my life and can't get rid of the bad. Maybe that's why I keep that boxfull of friendship around. I need those kinds of reminders.

Handwritten letters are somehow magical. First, they act as a break in the flow of bills and ads and impersonal junk coming through the mailbox. Then there's the simple touch of a human hand that allows me to instantly recognize the familiar scrawl of a friend after just reading the word "Sophia" or sometimes "Vanya" scribbled on the outside of the folded note. But then there's also the fun of being able to doodle all over the rest of the page with little inside jokes and humorous drawings. The rules of computer formatting are lost and text can effortlessly be any shape or run in any direction the writer chooses.

I only remember writing a few letters, but going through that box reminds me that there were people that I wrote back and forth to twice or more a month... I sure did have a lot of long-distance friendships: Montana, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Maryland... I was always better at writing than speaking out loud.

I guess that all stopped when I no longer had someone providing me an endless supply of stamps. I left home.

And now, here I sit,
typing.

2009-08-15T19:17:00.001-07:00

earrings!

http://soxichan.blogspot.com/

[1] Does the existence of logic point towards the supernatural?

2009-08-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

If you're not into philosophy, please pardon this post:

It seems everywhere one goes, one picks up new identities. I was never so aware of my Asian American identity before arriving at Michigan and architecture wasn't even part of my life back then... kinda incredible to think about, actually. Imagine a me without architecture...

I also picked up another title that I now identify with. Skeptic. I know I grew up questioning everything around me: my parents, my faith, the church, my friends. When I got to college, I started to question myself. One of my worst fears in the past was to be following any sort of belief or living any sort of life blindly. I guess I can say that I am successfully living a life which has been thoroughly questioned, but I also cannot be happy with the mindset I've developed about things. It's become hard to trust, hard to make decisions and way too easy for me to be cynical about everything.

A couple days ago, in the car, my dad was on one of his rants about life and... motivation and... grades and... medical school and... what a good student he was and.... ...then on to how as a non-Christian in med school God was leading him towards Himself and Christianity.

I, ever the devil's advocate, started to pose questions. It seemed like from what he was saying, there wasn't really enough reason for him to have made the leap from med school to faith in Christ. I wanted to know if I was missing something. We began to talk about the human body, creation and the reality of a creator not only in Christianity but in many religions. Eventually our discussion turned to the topic of logic and reason.

"Logic is such an interesting thing. We use it to understand and prove everything else, but there's nothing we can use to prove the dependability of logic itself. If there isn't anything outside of this physical world and our human existence and human logic, then we have no reason to trust our own logic and there's no reason for us to be having this discussion at all. For this world to make sense, logic must originate before human thought in a supernatural realm."

I was familiar with the sort of argument he was posing. I'd used it before, in relation to morality and talking about how morality might prove the existence of a supernatural god. There are two responses I have always received and so I posed the same objections. First, couldn't logic be relative? I mean, what's logical in one situation and culture is not always considered logical somewhere else. Could logic be determined by society? Second, why couldn't logic have evolved as a means for survival? Logic as a way of creating order and discussion as a way of sharing and obtaining ideas in order to better one's own logic and way of living. Does logic necessarily have to come from the supernatural?

My dad was quick to refute the first response by dismantling my question. In his argument, if logic is relative then there's no reason to be using it to try to understand anything and there was no point in us continuing our discussion or our search for a right answer. A right answer could not exist. People always argue relativity but by the act of arguing for relativity, they see it 'as truth': relativity is right, absolute truth is illogical. If there is 'a truth', then not everything is relative. It's the flaw in Nietzschian thought. If logic does not exist, then how could you write a book about it's non-existance by using logical arguments?

For the second argument, he had nothing to say. By then we had reached home. he dropped me off and left to go help a friend move out of her house. He told me to find an answer for my own question.

This is the response I came up with:
What makes survival the appropriate (logical) direction to go? Is life then better than death? Is there something good about living and bad about dying? If logic is relative then neither survival or death would be the more logical direction to go, and evolution would not strive towards survival.
(My assumption is that logic must be relative in a world without the supernatural because there is no absolute truth to define what is correct or incorrect logic... )

Of course our discussion had ended by then and so that's my final thought. Does the idea of evolution make sense under its own parameters? (Of course the skeptical part of me is asking 'Am I missing anything? Am I making any other assumptions? Is my question fair?')

What do you think?

Salted Feet

2009-07-28T05:02:00.000-07:00

Of the things I hate most in life, mosquitos have got to rank near the top.

I didn't think about bringing bug spray to the drive-in, it's not something you really consider when you're going to the movies. But here I am, woken up at seven in the morning by my seven bites, two of which are on the bottom of my foot. (Terrible location, I tell you.)

I couldn't find my tiger balm, so I ended up looking up home remedies online. It's amazing how much stuff people have tried. Garlic salt, baking powder, toothpaste, deodorant... even bleach? People must be really desperate!

I suppose I am too... so 10 minutes later I'm in the bathroom rubbing table salt into my itchiness. It worked actually and salt scrubs are always kinda nice.

... oh to be at an ocean soaking my feet in the salt water.

why am I still jealous?

2009-07-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be at peace with the life I've already lived. It's already so much more than I ever expected to have.

I remember growing up being jealous of my sister only to discover that she had been jealous of me the whole time too. There's so much we could have helped each other through at home if we had been able to look past ourselves and care about each other.

I never think that my jealousy towards friends affects my friendships; but at some level, it has to.

I've been very non-committal in most of my friendships because of my fears of rejection and self-doubt, but someday I hope I can be a real friend to all the people I come in contact with. No more of this self-pity.

2009-07-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
I'm talkin' to me

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There's a girl on the streets, she's cryin'
There's a man whose faith is dyin'
Love is calling you

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
(Stand out)
Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
(Stand out)
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

2009-07-21T11:48:00.001-07:00

I have no doubt that I made my own choice to follow Christianity as my own faith and not just because I grew up in a Christian family with Christian parents, but when I start having the inevitable doubts and questions of someone seeking not to follow religion blindly, I wonder how much my ability/decision to stick with Christianity is from my own faith and how much it comes from not wanting to disappoint or upset my parents.

How much does the chinese culture affect my perceptions of Christianity?

My dreams this past year have been particularly vivid... last night's were rather solemn.

2009-07-18T22:24:00.000-07:00

I had a dream about being lonely. Nothing dramatic, but just walking into a crowded lunchroom full of everyone I'd ever known from my pre-college years. I looked around and realized there was nobody that would want to call me over to their table, and nobody I was close enough to that I would feel comfortable just going over to and sitting with. Then the awkward moment of trying to figure out what I wanted to do, wanting to just disappear or find a nook to be by myself in. It wouldn't have been so bad if the lunchroom hadn't been full of people I recognized or people that were supposed to be my friends in years past.

It was such a familiar feeling... of being unwanted and alone. But it's been at least a year since I've experienced that in real life. Why dream about it?

I also had a dream about a guy friend flirting with me and trying to get me to be close with him. He was a friend that I was comfortable with and had known for a while. I liked him as a friend but was uncomfortable with him trying to make us something more, especially since I had a boyfriend that I loved and cared about. I sent him away.

Now this dream, I know why I had. It was comforting finally having a dream where I made the faithful decision. After making a rash decision over a year ago, it's been hard for me to be able to trust myself. I did something I never thought I could do, how could I know I wouldn't do something like that again?

How much of the guilt I've experienced in life is actually a reflection of who I am and how much is just my poor estimation of myself and a lack of experiencing God's grace?

2009-07-15T22:18:00.001-07:00

Funny how cleaning makes me feel dirty.

Don't stab me

2009-07-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

I think I've found the name of another one of my maladies.

Last night, after a few hours of sitting on the couch, I was feeling a bit stiff, so I took a biiiig stretch and oh, it felt nice, until the stretch was over and the pain stabbed me in the chest. First thought? 'Mgnph! not again.' Close eyes, breath shallowly... 'I wonder how long it'll last this time?'

When I talk to doctor dad about it, he always says it's probably a small fracture in my ribs that is aggravated by pressure or sudden movement and all I needed was some rest.

I figured I'd try looking it up this time though... to see if there was anything else I could do to make the pain go away. Whether or not Wikipedia is the place to go for medical issues is definitely debatable, but I found a page describing Precordial catch syndrome:

And read these words: "Although deep inhalation during a PCS attack will likely cause an increase in pain, many have found that forcing themselves to breathe as deeply as possible will result in a "popping" or "ripping" sensation which quickly and completely resolves the PCS episode."

Well... why not? I guess I could try that. Deep breath in, deep breath ouu.... ch! Three failed attempts later I was ready to just go sleep it off. It hurt too much to actually complete the whole breath out. But lying down seemed to make it worse. So one more time... Deep breath in, deep breath... out.

All the pain was gone. Nice! Smile. Sleep.

2009-07-06T18:09:00.000-07:00

I've been told by more than one person that it seems like I know everybody... I've run into friends randomly in St. Louis, Baltimore, Italy, and now Las Vegas. One of the people i was with was somewhat surprised that people from a Christian group I'm in would be in Vegas. I know I grew up with the impression that Vegas was not a place Christians should go, but it seems like that's the same sort of thinking that makes some Christians avoid and begin to judge people they see as "sinners". Honestly, I don't think that's the Christianity of Christ, who spent time with those the religious leaders of the time deemed as sinners.

I went to Vegas just wanting to see what it was really like, stereotypes and sermons aside. I was disappointed in the buildings and overall shock factor (accurate scale models of the eiffel tower, chrysler building, and statue of liberty my rear end... the only building I liked was the Wynn)... but I did have a semi-encounter with a guy who was calling his mom to tell her he had been drunk and gotten married at one of Vegas' many wedding chapels to some random girl the night before without realizing he was being married. So I guess some of those out-there Vegas stories do actually happen.

Mostly Vegas is seen as a gambling city. In some areas, (aka. Fremont St.), I would agree that that's pretty much the only thing going on. I've always been against the idea of gambling because of the friends I've had over the years whose families have been ruined by family members betting away money that should have gone towards food, housing, utilities, and other family needs. I always wondered how someone could be stupid enough to do that, but being in Vegas did help me see how addictive the idea of easy money is. I admit, I stuck $10 on a Casino War table and a dollar in the penny slots. Mostly because the idea of Casino war seemed hilarious, and I like the feeling of the slot machine handles, but making $81 dollars did feel pretty good. I also realized that there's 2 kinds of gamblers: the kind that thinks they're gonna win, and the kind that know they wont and just play the games for fun. Of the first kind, it was amazing how fast people would be willing to spend hundreds of dollars on tables even with odds stacked against them. It kind of scared me thinking that some of the people I was watching might be some of those fathers/mothers blowing money away.

There was a lot to do without gambling though. Shows, restaurants, and neat little stores. Things in Vegas definitely had character. Ka was impressive. The Bodies exhibit was also a wow... I loved the atmosphere at Battista's hole in the wall and Ichiza (Japanese restaurant near Chinatown... I only wish I knew more Japanese), both restaurants off the strip. And while people say there's no cheap food to be had, Ellis Island and the Grand Lux Cafe were some of the yummiest cheap deals I've ever had. Light shows, the Bellagio fountains, free chocolate, and dollar deep fried twinkies...

Oh, and there was an original copy of Learning from Las Vegas signed by all three authors for sale in the Venetian rare books store (just for architecture nerds...)! Seeing an original copy of Common Sense by Thomas Paine was impressive too... I suppose.

Overall it was just a nice time of relaxing and spending time with people in a place I had never been before. The locals we met were some of the friendliest, easygoing people I've ever met, but for once, the overwhelming amount of tourists around me (basically everyone) didn't bother me so much either. What else can one expect from a street that was built on tourism?

2009-06-27T09:51:00.001-07:00

Leaving for Vegas tomorrow. It's strange. I've been more excited by the prospect of being somewhere new and trying new restaurants than by Vegas itself. An artificial environment exploding with consumer driven messages that tries to keep people inside and suck money out of them doesn't seem like the type of place I like to be. But then again... I guess that's everywhere. Just less subtle in Vegas land.

I am somewhat excited about the eccentricity though. It gets boring (and sometimes disconcerting) traveling to new places and finding that they're just about the same as every other tourist area. Or going to different suburbs and realizing that I can barely tell them apart from my own, even though I'm in a completely different state with a different culture.

2009-06-22T20:13:00.001-07:00

There was this one time last summer at the Thompson St. apartment where I was cooking and a fly somehow got in.... so I stunned it and flushed it down the toilet, kept cooking and realized there was still a fly... so I stunned it and flushed it down the toilet, kept cooking and realized there was yet another fly... so I did the same, kept cooking and realized there was another fly... you get the point. I think there were 6 before I decided to close all the windows.

Seems like the same thing happens with Wilmot... cept today there was a little black wasp in the mix too.

It's a little better than last year since there's no openings to the exterior directly from our kitchen, but a friend pointed out that there's a big gap between the balcony screen door and the glass door... whoever installed the door left off the brushy/rubber thing that usually covers that gap... One mistake that makes for a pretty useless screen door.

Not so hot

2009-06-17T12:49:00.000-07:00

Watching bright orange hot molten brass being poured from a crucible into a mold and feeling its heat from across the room makes the "caution, hot" sign in pierpont at the panini maker seem like child's play.

Confronting the Past

2009-06-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

I've spent a lot of time these past couple years confronting my distant past. The past of childhood hurts and disappointments that my heart still will not let go. But now I'm wondering when to face things that are more recent...

Cleaning out my UofM webmail, I came upon some letters i had saved. Letters from someone I haven't talked to since last summer when we broke up. I've been angry about the ways I've felt hurt by him. It's felt so wrong, having a broken relationship in my life, having someone that I don't talk to anymore for reasons other than just drifting apart. But even so, I couldn't even bring myself to want to talk to him again.

Reading those letters, now, after the emotions have subsided makes me realize how much my perception at that time was being controlled by own anger and frustration. Someday, I feel like an apology needs to be made. Not just for the big wrong that set off the storm, but for how I reacted afterwards.

My dad says I should just leave it in the past. He doesn't think anything good could come out of it. But I don't believe God wants anybody to live with broken relationships in their lives. It's like a chain, kinda... sometimes...

I don't think I'd be ready for that now... but when would I ever be? I'm scared that all the old angers would just come right back up again and it will be like that last month, where nothing went anywhere good. How would I know if he was ready? How would I deal with my own hurts? After doing something that I can barely even forgive myself for... would it be fair for me to ask for an apology from him for the ways that I hurt? Last summer, his answer was no... and I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with being treated like I was the wrong thing with the relationship... is that just what would happen again?

Maybe in 10 years or so this will be just like those other things from my distant past... Things that hurt and just got left there, in my past.

57 Things to Do for Free in Harvard Square

2009-06-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.ikatun.org/57/

I love things like this. It seems like people talk about how bored they are all the time. I wonder if its really the lack of things to do or the fact that people don't know how to think outside of what is conventional anymore... so when there's nothing conventional interesting enough to do anymore, we feel like there's nothing to do.

I admit, there's a lot of pretty "stupid" stuff on the site, but... i bet they were well entertained, and I am entertained in the process.

2009-06-09T23:37:00.001-07:00

A lot of people have issues with Christianity because it sounds ridiculous to them and doesn't make logical sense. As someone who has grown up in the church, questioned my faith, rejected it for a while before coming back, and then believed again based on logical answers to my questions... I have the opposite problem with Christianity. A lot of times I feel like it makes too much sense and has too many easy answers to tough questions that work... (you know, like how anything that doesn't make sense in the natural realm can be explained by... well, it's God, he can do anything). Personally, I find that to be an easy out answer. Any other religion could claim the same logic with their deities.

I just finished reading the book of Revelations. Definitely a book which raises a lot of questions about justice, sovereignty, and God. Here are some of my thoughts and many many questions:

-It was interesting to rethink Revelations as a "testimony of Jesus Christ" as mentioned in verse 2. Usually the book of Revelations is only thought about as a prediction of the future and not a place where one can really learn about Christ.

-I really liked the lampstand analogy with the lampstands representing the churches. It worked in terms of seeing God walking among the lampstands, but also how lampstands do not shine on their own but require oil. Churches often grow to see themselves as self-sufficient and forget to turn outside of themselves to God to get the oil they need to shine.

-Also liked the stars in the hand of God picture. Remembering that even when everything seems to be failing, the church is in God's hands and he knows what he's doing.

-Letters to the churches were mostly praise mixed with rebuke. It was a good reminder that God can see the little things that often we don't get credit for and wants to reward his people for those little successes. But looking at the faults written out about the churches it was surprising how many of the 'criticisims' were things that Christians are criticized for by those outside of the faith today. Being hypocrites, having a megachurch complex where the church is thriving but things could be going terribly wrong beneath the facade, all program and no content, and Christians not being any different than others (aka. what's the point). I think some of Christianity's critics would be pretty surprised to find that kind of rebuke right in the bible and straight from God. It also seems like maybe God is trying to use people criticizing the church to communicate his own displeasure with some of the things going on in churches today.

-Do we still keep and use our talents/skills in heaven or do we really just bow in worship and sing all day? For God to create such a diverse and gifted set of people it would seem really odd to me for heaven to be such a one action place, but it seems like that's the common conception... The idea that God's awesomeness will be so amazing that we wont want to do anything but praise Him in song and verbal proclamation all day...

-The points where God gives authority to Satan really baffle me. I guess it works as a test to see which people are truly faithful to God and not just accepting Him because it's easy and profitable for them... The commentary was all joyous about God being in control and being the one who gives authority and can take it away. It was also rejoicing over the fact that God in control can use evil like Satan to accomplish His will. That seemed kinda wrong to me. Almost like an ends justify the means logic.

-I always hear Christians talk about how they are glad they wont have to cry when they reach heaven because their family is Christian, but if one can reach heaven without anyone worth crying for, sometimes I wonder how much one has been caring about others and trying to reach out to them. And in general, I think that comment is really unsympathetic to other Christians who are still in the midst of trying to reach out to their families. Sometimes I wonder about the no more tears in heaven thing though. It seems like such an important part of being human and I can't imagine a place full of humans without it.

-So what keeps people from sinning in heaven once its all said and done. I mean, we still have free will right? And 1/3 of the angels rebelled against God even while they were in heaven and immersed in God's presence?

-Revelations was a reminder to me that supernatural and miracles can come from both God and satan and care should be taken not to just go after every miracle as evidence of God's supernatural existence.

-God sends plagues and disasters as a warning for people to turn and repent. At first read that's really reminiscent of torture. Causing pain to make someone go your way. For a world that doesn't believe in a supernatural God, how does that work anyways? Does the fact that God has delayed his wrath and judgment for thousands of years already to give humans a chance to repent and find Him really account for such seemingly harsh treatment? Sometimes I have to really remind myself of God's loving but just nature. People always question why God allows wrongdoing to thrive on earth, pain, etc... but if God really let his justice rule on earth nobody would measure up and everyone would deserve God's wrath by his perfect standards. The fact that Revelations is not the reality today is all grace, and the scary stuff in Revelations is what happens when people really get what they ask for. God stepping in to deal with the evil in the world.

-Also kinda comforting to remember that Satan was an angel and is really not God's direct opposition but is under God's authority. In Revelations, satan is often paired with the archangel Michael.

-It's interesting how false religion is pointed out as the big problem of religion in the end times. In the times where Revelations was written that would've been a pretty new concept. Their biggest problems were with idol worship and turning completely to other gods.

-Last comment is something I'd thought about before reading Revelations. I have mixed feelings about the idea of receiving in heaven based on what we do on earth. While I guess I do believe in being rewarded, I don't think that should ever be the motive for doing good, and so it seems strange to have the fact that there will be a reward spelled out in the bible. Why say there's a reward, why not just reward those who did so in the end? I guess it helps to display God's desire to give and also his attention to the good things we do.

I would provide a conclusion to tie it all together, but this post is long enough as it is. Whew.

2009-05-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

There were many days this past year, i really wished I could go back to being four feet tall. So many less decisions to make, less responsibilities to be held accountable to and the future never seemed uncertain. This senior year, everything happening seemed to be asking the question 'what are you doing with your life?' 'where are you going?' It wasn't like the end of high school, when all these questions were exciting. Instead of wanting to answer the questions, I answered them because I had to, because the times came up when I had to decide.

Do I go to grad school? Where would I apply? Do I work? Who would want me? When do I even have time to be applying and searching? Where do I go? Where am I meant to go? What is a meaningful future to pursue?

There was a certain peace that came with knowing that a God who cares and knows my purpose already had it all figured out. But my relationship with him this year has been... well... pretty terrible. It was hard to hear his comforting and guiding voice when all I could think about was my shame and all the things I've done that hurt him. I'm far from the good little church girl that some think i am, and it's hard to feel hopeful about the future at a time when I've never felt like more of a failure. It's kinda strange... feeling like a failure in the midst of attaining what most would consider great success. 'sophia, what are you talking about? you're going to harvard next year for crying out loud.'

I guess it depends on what you value. To me security always comes from knowing I'm on the right path. Big name schools, having a job, good grades, having a plan for the future... all those things could easily fall apart and not be all they promise to be. But jobless, uncertain, rejected, and on the right path... I could still know there's a good future waiting.

God was faithful though. I guess that's no surprise for a God who promises to be faithful even when we are not. I've learnt that God is the only one who will not go back on his word, the only one who I can truly expect to keep his promises. I don't know how many times I've heard Christians asking, 'how do i know what God's will is? how do i know it's not just me hearing things that i want to hear?' I know I've asked that question. It's like we think it's this enigmatic puzzle that we have to struggle to solve. But its not like God is trying to hide his will; he wants us to know it. This grad school thing was one place where i felt like I could see God just laying out the bricks to the path.

Although I'm terrified of heading back into studio so soon... I feel certain that it's where I'm called to go. I did struggle with the question of whether I just wanted Harvard to be the right answer because of my own pride and my own desire for the status it symbolizes, but its never been something I've sought after for myself. And of all the periods of my life, this year was probably the best one i could be in to be making the decision. Freshman through Junior years I learnt humility in realizing that there are so many other talented and amazing people that can do more than I could even imagine doing; but this year I learnt humility in realizing how weak I am... how much I don't really deserve to be blessed with admission to any top architecture programs.

The first thing was the coincidence of a spring break internship in Boston. I chose to go there based on it being the only typical interning city where I had free lodging. There were no other really compelling reasons for me to want to be in such a cold place in the middle of winter, but maybe God had his own reasons. I... really liked it. It was the same sense I got when I first visited Ann Arbor and I knew it was somewhere I could see myself.

And then there was the strangeness of being admitted to Harvard but not Princeton, Yale, or Cornell (until later)... leaving the decision between Michigan and Harvard. In a way it felt like God saying 'look, you don't deserve this, your work is not even strong enough for these other architecture schools, but I'm opening this one door for you.' ...The fact that this happened to be the year where the ivy leagues decided to try to make their education more affordable also opened up the financial door... a surprise from a school I'd heard does not usually give out much money.

Lastly, all the places most people would turn to for advice about their futures pointed me the same way too. Advice from trusted friends, advisors, and professors who know my work pushed me to leave, to explore my potential at a school that satisfies my educational and career interests more than Michigan has.

The decision was actually a lot harder than I'm making it sound... and for a while Michigan was actually the better choice in my mind... but looking back, I see God working to help lead me in a certain direction. To those confused about God's will I would say to 'look and listen' because it's not so very hard to find.

natural_disasters

2009-05-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

Are natural disasters a sign of God's judgment? It seems like anytime this question comes up in a discussion no real conclusion is ever made and the discussion wanders off somewhere else. I'm curious though, about how one should respond to natural disasters.

There are some Christians who will blame homosexuals or corrupt government for all natural disasters. In an extreme case, we could look at the sects who will not even treat illnesses because they feel they would be going against God's judgment on the sick person. Gut reaction for me to this is, "errrn, wrong", but why? For one, think AIDS and other STDs. Much of what is responsible for the spread of STDs are the actions of an unfaithful partner. But through those actions an innocent wife and all her children could be left scarred... and judged by the church when they should be receiving mercy and care. One could say that's a different story because it's a consequence to a direct human action whereas natural disasters are out of our control.

So looking to the guidebook: we can see passages in the bible which could point toward either of two viewpoints. God certainly does use storms, plagues, and famines as a sign of judgment. But then there's Romans 8:22 [We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.] which places natural disharmonies as nature being affected by the presence of sin in the world, entering the world when the pains of childbirth did back in Genesis. So, just a general state of things rather than the result of a certain person or people's wrongdoing. In both cases, though, we could say that the cause is God's judgment. Both cases are the result of sin on earth.

We discussed this question when studying Jonah 1 at AIV's first summer bible study. The comment of the night which I found most pertinent to this question was the observation that God works through signs and events specific to a given time-period, working in ways that people of a time in history can understand. In Exodus, the Pharaoh was told specifically why the plagues were happening. In Jonah, the sailors and Jonah were able to understand the storm as a rebuke against Jonah running away. If we look more closely at each of the natural disasters in the bible, each one is used to some effect and people effected are aware of the disaster being the hand of God. While we've been talking about disasters just being a sign of judgment, they are also, and perhaps more importantly, God's way of trying to bring people back to him or to help show people who the God of Israel is. Lately the result of people interpreting natural disasters as God's judgment has created Christians with a holier than thou perspective, judging those who they see to be the target of God's wrath. This is a far cry from the biblical result of bringing people back to God and showing people who God is. If a disaster cannot be understood and used by God as a way of bringing people back to Him in today's times, then it doesn't seem like something He would use to speak to people today.

I suppose that's my conclusion, but at the same time, I wonder then, how does God rebuke people today? And have I just reasoned God into a softy God instead of the God of the wind, storms, and seas?

2009-05-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

The name's kinda strange.... it came to me late at night, as many other strange thoughts do. But it works pretty fantastically! If you don't get it yet, I might as well point out that dye.a.log spoken out loud perfectly resembles some other word.

To me, interesting blogs are always some sort of dialogue. It could be dialogue with self, with friends, with God, with life... So, while this is not necessarily something to keep up to date with what I've been doing from day to day, if you follow the conversation, I'm sure my day to day life will reflect itself through.

If you want to get super metaphorical, the log could represent the mundanity of life; and the process of dye-ing, the bringing out of all of life's colors and a way of seeing life in a new light. But we'll leave that metaphor there for now.

Of course, starting a new blog is somewhat ambitious. Since when do I have time to blog during the school year when studio is in full swing? At the same time, I've realized that journaling is the way that I am best able to express myself, understand myself, and work through the thoughts in my head... so probably a good thing to be ambitious about keeping up with during the busiest times in my life.

Oh we shall see.

I've also devoted another blog just to my design work and thinking about the issues surrounding design. It probably has the better chance of being regularly updated, since its something I tend to keep up with already:

http://soxichan.blogspot.com